I was really hoping for something more challenging this month. I mean, really. Do you fans out there not have any real problems? Like a zombie dog trying to eat you? Or your mailman is eating your mail? Or maybe even you don't like spaghetti? Or perhaps you just can't say it while eating, and it comes out, "pasghetti"? Or maybe I'm just hungry right now. I may need something to eat.

Okay, I'm back. As for your problem, just tape record her and make her listen to what she said. And if she still denies saying that, or she thinks this is that, or whatever it is you said--you lost me halfway through your story--she may just be a compulsive liar. Now, people often call others "compulsive liars" rather compulsively. A true compulsive liar is actually mentally ill and needs help. It's not that they believe their lies--that's being "delusional." They just can't stop themselves from lying.

Now, there are many solutions for this problem. As Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Mars prefer, there's shock-therapy. Nothing makes someone do what you want like eloctrocuting them whenever they don't. Just think of Pavlov's dogs. If you don't know who they are, do a Google search for them. The dark brown one is Spotty and the spotted one is Chocolate. Pavlov was a twisted little man. Just hook some wires to your friend when she isn't looking, secretly holding the ends in your hand. Whenever she lies, just stick them in the nearest electrical socket. Eventually, she'll stop lying for fear of shock.

Now, if you feel like taking the less painful approach, just trick her into seeing a psychiatrist. And that's about it. You don't need me to explain... Yeah, you probably do. Okay, invite her to go get ice cream one afternoon. Then, put a colorform up to her nose until she passes out. The Spiderman ones from the early eighties work rather well. Then drag her limp body to the psychiatrist's office, where she'll wake up. You have my word: colorforms are the least painful way that you'll be able to accomplish this.

Now let's move on to someone with a real problem...

First, we must determine what m stands for. The most likely thing is "meter." So this equation is obviously some sort of measuring device, perhaps a fourtotwometer. These devices can be very delicate, so let's proceed with caution. Now, if we add two to the device, we'll have three of them. So any measurment we take we'll get three of. And to determine the most accurate measurement, well take the average of the three fourtotwometers.

Now, I'm not sure what we're measuring, but it's commong knowledge that placing fourtotwometers before an equal sign will result in a negative value, while placing them after will result in a positive value. Placing them on the sign itself will result in the destruction of the entire universe, so let's not try that just yet. So, we know the three measurements with our fourtotwometers will be negative. So our average fourtotwometer measurement is negative.

Let's try re-arranging the equation: 2 = 4 - 2m. So now we'll get the fourtotwometer measurement positive, and however much four minus a fourtotwometer will give us, or three fourtotwometers. So three fourtotwometers will either give us a positive or a negative value. The only number which can be multipled by either measurement and yield the same measurement is 1. So m = 1. That was easy.