Sailor Moon Says, Season 2
Welcome to Sailor Moon Says: Your Weekly Alternative! This page has the archived episodes of the second season of Sailor Moon Says. To go back the directory of second season archived epispodes, click the link at the bottom of the page...
Starring...
Molly
Luna
Lita
Amy
Serena
Raye
Mina
Alan
Melvin

Sunday, February 21st, 1999
Umm... I don't know what to say!!! Happy Valentine's Day everyone (Even if it was a week ago...), from the scout of love, Sailor Venus. Sailor Venus! Kiss me! Eww!! Get off of me you little dweeb! Hey! Don't shove my love-muffin like that, you sailor twit! But he tried to make out with me! He did what?!? You little, two-timing curd... Ow! Stop slapping me! So this is the way we start out a new season of Sailor Moon Says... *Sigh* You're right, Luna! We Sailor Scouts are supposed to stand for... Hey guys, what's up? Stop inturrupting me, Raye! As I was saying, we Sailor Scouts are supposed to stand for... Love, Justice, And the American way! Are you quite done yet? Yes. Okay, first of all, that's Wonder Woman's motto, not the Sailor Scouts'. Well it holds true for us as well! And secondly, we're in Japan, not America. Oh, really now? Then why do you think we're talking in English? Because, Gemini6Ice, the writer of this "Sailor Moon Says" is too stupid to realize that! Oh my gosh! What is it, Mina? Raye is right! She is? I am? I could have told you that... Can anyone get me an ice-pack, please? And while you're at it, could I get some catnip too? Yes, she is! Now, there's only one thing to do! Milkshakes for everyone? Kill Serena? Burn Melvin at the stake? Tie up a dummy made to look like me on that stake, so I'll get away, but Molly will think that she burned me at the stake? That might have worked, but now that I've heard it, it won't... What? (See, I give the best responses.) No, you don't! You forgot the parentheses. (No, you don't!) That better? Yes, very. Yes, I do! No, you don- Mreeeorrwww!!! Get your claws out of my face!! They hurt!! Say it!! Fine! Yes.... you... do!!! Can we get back to me now?? Sorry... Okay, now for the solution... We have to move to America!! Cool! What about the others? Lita, Alan, Amy? Who cares about them? We're going to America!! I'm not riding in luggage! Sailor Moon Says: We'd better be flying first class!! Teehee!

Sunday, February 28th, 1999
Well here we are... What if we aren't? Shut up, Melvin! What if we aren't what? Here. Well, if we aren't here, where are we? There?? We could be... We have no way of knowing... Now I wish Amy had come with us on this plane trip... She could whoop your butt at this philosophical debate! Actually, "here" is defined as a place where the person using the term is, as opposed to "there," which is defined as a place where the person using the term is not... I'm hungry. What did you just say??? Who? You! I said that I'm hungry. No, before that! I said that we were here, then Melvin and Raye got into their immature little argument! Now between us, who's the immature one? You think it's me... Well that's pretty funny... Hahaha... But you'll pay dearly for that comment! Mars, Star, Power!! Sailor Mars! Stop it! The other passengers are looking at us like we're crazy! Especially now that you have turned into a superheroine and I'm a talking cat! Now, we must figure out what happened to Serena! For all we know, this could be a plot of the negaverse! Luna's right! I have no idea what's going on, so the rest of you must be under the negaverse's- You think you had me licked, didn't you! Well guess what, you're wrong!! Moon, Crystal, Power!! Stop it! Stop it, I say!! Get back in your seat, Sailor Moon! Sailor Moon is gone! I am Sailor Mercury! You thought you could ditch your so-called "friend," didn't you? Well, I don't think so! Mercury, Star, Power!! Oh, my gawd! It's an amalgamation of Sailor Moon and Sailor Mercury! Shut-- Huh, what's an algamatation? You're back! From where? That doesn't matter, but an amalgamation is like a hybrid of two individual beings... Oh-- up!! I'm going to kill all of you!! Mercury, Tiara, Blast!! She even mixes up her attacks!! Not exactly! It's fogging up in here! And she's throwing her tiara!! What was dat scweam? Her tiawa must have mutiwated an innocent boystander!! Enough with that Brooklyn accent already!! I'll stop her! Mars, Celestial Fire, Surround!! No, don't! The cabin is under-- water it will soon be!!!!!! You'll pay for abandoning me, you idiots!! Ahhh!! Stop scratching my face, Luna!! What's going on?? Oh no!! Luna has become evil!! I'll save you! Moon, Healing, Activation!! Thanks, Sailor Moon! Oh no! It's too late, Raye has already exploded the airplane!! Grab a parachute, everybody!! We made it! Now, what do we do as we're quickly falling to the ground below? Well, we've all been purged of Sailor Mercury's mind control, so why don't we just wrap up this episode? I get to do it!! Sailor Luna says, um... Stupid cat! Sailor Moon Says: Don't explode airplanes, especially while you're travelling in them! Teehee! With role-models like you, who needs common sense?

Sunday, March 7th, 1999
We finally landed!! I still want to know how it took a whole week for us to reach the ground in parachutes? Well, the plane was at a very high altitude... Well, anyways, were are we? My psychic abilities tell me we are very near Las Vegas, Nevada... Oh, you mean all those big buildings behind you, Raye? Why didn't anyone say anything sooner??? (Dumb blondes...) Well, let's go already! I wanna gamble!!! What about this place, "Sir Bets-a-lot;" it sounds fun!! Okay, whatever... We're here. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go get drunk... And I need to go to the bathroom... Excuse me ma'am, but which way to the cats' room? Wait! Don't run away!!!! We're going to go gambling now!!! What do you want to do first? First, we have to get some chips!! Come on, let's go rent a room, Molly!! Huh? You know, a hotel room!! Now is that really appropriate?? With implications like that, Net-Nanny will soon be banning Gemini6Ice's site... So stop it, Melvin!! I'll take care of him, Luna. Now, Melvin, do you really expect to go along with your perverse romantic plans? After you've tried to make out with Mina!! Yes! Ow! Stop slapping me, Molly! Stop scratching me, Luna! Molly, care to find the restrooms together? Yes, let's. What do you mean I have to show you an I.D.???? I'm fifteen years old!!! Now let me have a vodka!! On to the blackjack table, Mina!! A five! Hit me! A six?? Hit me again, dangit!! Yes, a jack!! Read 'em and weep, dealer!! You won twenty dollars!!!!! Eeeeeiii!!! My turn!! A jack! Hit me! Another jack!! One more time! Serena, don't! Why not? Do you even know how to play this game?? Not really... Hit me! Yes, another jack! Read 'em and weep!!! I win! I win! No you didn't. Huh? What do you mean? You just busted... And lost the twenty dollars I just won us, Serena!! Oops... Hey, my cards are floating!! Whoa! How'd you do tha- Watch out!!! That was close; the cards almost hit you! Yikes!! They're chasing me!! Get 'em off, get 'em off!!! Oh no!!! Real monsters are coming out of all of the face cards!! And out of the joker card is... Alan! That's right, girls! I'm back! You thought you could abandon us in Tokyo! You thought you could stop Amy! Too bad, because, I'm back! Standard deck of playing cards, get them!! Venus, Star, Power!! Moon, Crystal, Power!! Now give me an alcoholic beverage, you stupid bartender!! Hurry up and transform, Raye!! Right! Mars, Star, Power!! Still need an I.D.? Good. *Glug, glug, glug* Raye, we need your help!!! Venus, Love Chain, Encircle!! Good going!! You killed all the deuces!! I guess they're not so wild anymore, eh? Mars, Celestial Candy, Enfatten!!! But that's the wrong attack!! But she's still conjuring up candy bars!!! Yum!!! Stop it Serena!!!! We have to fight Alan!! Go ahead and try!!!! I'll heal Raye!! Um, will that work? I hope so! But be sure to remind her of her new attack, because I really like it, okay? Sure! Stop yakking!! Watch out, Mina!! That suicide king is going to take you down with- Well, too late for her... Moon, Healing, Activation!! I love you, Alan!! It didn't work... Maybe if I try again... Get off of me! But I love you! I want to *Hic* marry you!! I bear to want your *Hic* children!! Moon, Healing, Activation!! No, I love Ann! No, d-don't throw up on m-- I'm melting... Melting... He's gone!! Way to go, Raye!! You're a great friend, Serena! Huh? Why is she so happy? It makes sense now!! She has ulcers, which are an increased secretion of stomach acids, which explains both why she's always so cranky and why it melted Alan!! Her stomach acid must have a Ph so extreme that no base could produce saltwater! Huh? Nevermind. I'll guess I'll wrap this episode up... Wait, before I do, where are Luna and Molly? Oh, and before we cut to them, somebody wake up Mina! I seem to be out of toilet paper. Could you please hand me some, Molly? I'm out too, Wuna! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!! Sailor Moon Says: Ladies, never leave home without a spare roll of toilet paper! You forgot to say "Teehee!", my good friend Serena!

Sunday, March 14th, 1999
Huh? What's going on? Mina! You're awake!!!! Who? Me? No. The other Mina that just woke up! (Dumb blonde...) Who are you people? Haha... Very funny... We're just glad to have you back! After that suicide king attacked you, we were afraid that you might have fallen into a coma or something... I'm confused... I don't remember anything!! Mina, whatever do you mean? I believe she has amnesia. Amnesia?? Oh no!!! This is horrible!!!!!! Wait... what's amnesia? It's when someone forgets events, who they are, how to speak, etcetera... (Dumb blonde...) Oh no!! Snap out of it, Mina!!! Who am I?? You are Mina, Sailor Venus, Princess of the planet Venus, and the Sailor Scout of love and beauty!! Wait, hold up, who am I: Mina, Sailor Venus, Princss of the planet Venus, or the Sailor Scout of love and beauty?? Atleast her short-term memory is working... You are all of them!! So I'm four different people? No, all four are different facets of you! Then who are the rest of you? I'm your best friend, Serena! Hey! How come I have tro be four people and she only has to be one??? She's also Sailor Moon, Princess of the Moon, and the Sailor Scout of... What are you the Sailor Scout of, anyway, Serena? Food!!!! Hmm, did her ulcers come back or something... How come I'm the only one not included in this conversation?? I guess so... We've got to get her to throw up again! Hey! Stop pressing my stomach, you bimbo!!! I don't want to throw up!! Stop touching me!!! She's the Sailor Scout of love and justice, like she says in her speech... In with the good stomach juices, out with the bad! Let go of me!!! Excuse me, I'm the one with amnesia, here!! Stop fighting girls!! I'm paying attention to you, Mina! I'm not fighting!! I'm trying to make her happy again, like last time! What last time? When you and Molly were in the restroom together... Eh? Fill me in! I want to know what I've forgotten!! Helloooo? Why is everyone ignoring me? Speaking of Molly, where is she? Oh she's right there, only none of us can see her, for some unknown reason! Oh. This is so unfair... Let go of me!!! Let go or I'll- Ow!!! She bit me!! Hey! Who said you could slap my head!!! Now Mina, Raye is the grumpy one over there fighting that blonde pig, Serena. She is also Sailor Mars, the Princess of Mars, and the Sailor Scout of strength and anger! That one that we all can't see, over there, that's Molly. Over where? She's right there, but none of us notice her, so don't worry. Why not? We haven't figured that out yet. But when we do, we'll tell you, okay? Now she's also Sailor Molly, the Princess of Molly-Land, and the Sailor Scout of berets and friendship! Melvin, the big dork who's watching Serena and Raye duke it out as I speak, is also Tuxedo Melvin, master of his own "happy place," and the Tuxedo-clad Person of dead roses and intelligence!! So we're all multiple-personality!! Basically, yes. But who are you? And how come you can talk? I've just found out that I'm really a man!!! Helloooooo!!!!!!! It sure took you a long time to ask that one... I'm Luna, guardian of the Sailor Scouts, and lover to Artemis, your personal guardian cat! Ew!!!! I don't want to hear about cats in love!! Ewwww!!!!!!!!!! I'm wearing Raye's underwear!!!!!!!!!!! Ow! That's it, Raye!!! Moon, Crystal, Power!!! So you're going to play unfair, eh? Mars, Star, Power!!! I want to remember so badly!!! Why can't I??? Luna has cancer!!!!!!!!!!! Moon, Tiara, Magic!!! Ha! Missed me!! Oops!! Look out, Mina!! Aaaaaaahhhhh!!!!! Look what you did, you dumb blonde!! Mina!! Are you okay??? Oh no, she's un-con... I don't know how to spell it... She's knocked out again!!!! Whoa, what's going on... Hello boys and girls!!! She's back!! It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood... Ah! Hit her again, quick!! We cannot do that. Why not? Because we're out of time for this episode... That's not fair... Oh well!! Sailor Moon Says: Don't hit your friends upside the head with a magical tiara!! Teehee! I'm dating Kermit the frog???? Nothing works!!! Answer me!!!

Sunday, April 25th, 1999
Welcome back, everyone! Uh, did dey leave somewhere? No, but we did! Not a new episode of our exciting adventures have been written by Gemini6Ice in over a month! I felt so neglected! Especially after being ignored all last episode!! Hey! Glare at Gemini6Ice for that, not us! (Dumb wanna-be blonde...) But we're back now, and that's what counts! Okay, in order for readers to understand this episode, we must fill them on what is going on and where we are! Oh, okay! Mina has amnesia after being attacked by a suicide king in Las Vegas and we're somewhere near Las Vegas! I meant indirectly... *Sigh* Wait! What? Well...? I'm waiting for everyone else to ask what. What? What? I'm not saying it!!! Raye? What? Ack! That's not fair!! Didn't we cure her amnesia last time? Well she still doesn't know who she is, but now, she doesn't even know that she doesn't know who she is! Huh?!? Just smile and nod, Serena. Just smile and nod. Lala! See? Now she thinks she's a teletubby! Shhh! Be quit Luna! Why? Don't say that word! What word? Teletubby? Yes! Don't say it! Why can't I say teletubby? It's trademarked! So stop saying it! Do you want Gemini6Ice to get sued? If that happens, his website will be deleted and we will no longer exist! Oh. Again! Oh. Again! Oh. Again! Stop it you two!!! (Dumb blonde and dumb cat-wanna-be blonde...) Don't slap us! Ow! Stop scratching me! Fine. Just don't ever slap me again!!! Again! Hey! You said you'd stop! Sorry, but you heard what the girl with the amnesia said! Heeheehee! Buh-bye! Mina come back here!!! Wow, she runs fast for a teletubby! Stop saying that word!!!! Great! Just what we need: a Sailor Scout from Japan with amnesia running around a suburb near Las Vegas who thinks that she is a teletubby! I said stop saying that word!!!!!!!! We have to go after her!!! For once, I agree with you! Mars, Star, Power!!! Molly, Star, Power!!! Tuxedo Melvin Power!!! Uh... I'm always left out of the transformation scenes! Moon, Crystal, Power!!! Lala! Lala! Lala! Buh-bye! I hear her... That way!! She's in that house!! I'll open the front door! Mars, Celestial Fire, Ignite!!! I don't see her... Sorry about your house, ma'am... And the door falling on your dog... I'm not; I hate dogs! Hey, don't run away! I'm a good talking cat!! She's here!! In the closet! *Giggle* Mina! Don't be afraid! We're here to help! Loooove! Okay, stop hugging me now... Moon, Tiara, Magic!!! Huh? what's going on? Mina? Yeah? You're back!! The last thing I remember was a playing card attacking me in that casino... Did I lose my memory or something? Yes, you did. Oh, okay! You even thought that you were a teletubby! Stop saying it!!!!!!!!! I think that it's time to wrap this episode up now, Serena. Okay... Uhm... Sailor Moon Says: Umm... I can't think of anything! Just try to! Sailor Moon Says: When you break into strangers' houses by breaking down their front door, make sure that it doesn't land on their dog! Yeah! Teehee! No, make sure it does land on the dog! Doesn't! Does! This argument will perpetually continue until next week's episode, so don't worry about missing anything...
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