Sailor Moon Says, Season 2
Welcome to Sailor Moon Says: Your Weekly Alternative! This page has the archived episodes of the second season of Sailor Moon Says. To go back the directory of second season archived epispodes, click the link at the bottom of the page...
Starring...
Molly
Luna
Lita
Amy
Serena
Raye
Mina
Alan
Melvin

Sunday, May 2nd, 1999
Doesn't! Uh, we finished that argument a week ago, Serena! We did? Oh, yeah, that's right, we did... Okay, we've gotten to America, blown up an airplane, gambled, gotten drunk, cured Mina of her amnesia, and dropped a front door on dog... What do we do now? I dunno... I know! Know what? I give up. What? What? *Giggle* I know what we should do next! What do you know we should do next? That doesn't make any sense... What do you think we should do next? So she thinks what we should do next? That doesn't make any sense either... Who says we have to do something next? What if I don't want to do anything next? Would you rather do it previously? No! Shut up! We are not doing anything previously! We can't do anything previously! Depends... What are we considering to do next? Whatever Raye refuses to let us do previously... I'm lost... Raye, that's not very nice... What if I would rather do it previously? That's temperally impossible, okay? Now, for my idea... Is this a different idea than your first one? If so, did it come previously or nextly? I don't believe there is such a word as "nextly". Well, Luna, we're from Japan, remember? Why are we forced to speak perfect English? We're foreigners! Well if it came previously than the first one, the first one can't be the first one; it would be second one. So it came previous to itself? It seems that way... But that's sort of impossible... Such as Molly looking more like Serena than Serena does! Seriously, you think I look more like Serena than she does? Really? Amazing: The first headache of my life... *Groan* No, it was just an analogy... That would be impossible! Right! Just like currently doing something previously to something we have already done! So, without further ado... But what about cheese and crackers in a can? And you wonder why we ignore you so often... We should find a new home for our show! But which show? Sailor Moon or Sailor Moon Says? Sailor Moon Says of course! We're no longer doing Sailor Moon, remember? Ah, good point. I apologize for asking such a stupid question... Believe me, we've had far stupider ones this episode... Shouldn't that be "more stupid"? No, because if an adjective has two syllables or less, you add some form of "er" or "est" to use it comparison. From three syllables on, you use "more" or "most". Woohoo! I found some Tylenol! I'll take, uh, two... hundred... Serena, no! That many will kill you! Just take two! Hundred? No! Thousand? No! Ten-thousand? No! Take two! Period! That won't be strong enough... I'd better take some Advil instead? How many? Two. Hundred-thousand? No! Million? Shut up! Fill your mouth with water and gulp down two Advil, no more, no less! Got it? (Dumb blonde...) Waaaah! Raye, you're alwayth tho mean to me.... Why can't you ever be jutht nith to me Waye? Waaaaaaahhhh... Oh, take a whole bottle of Advil!!! Raye, stop it!!!! You're not going to accomplish anything by filling Serena's stomach with Advil and causing her heart to stop! It will only result in diplomatic differences between America and Japan!! Ow! Stop scratching my face off!! *Cough, sputter* Ew, these taste awful... You could have atleast given me some water before trying to kill me... You really think our affairs could escalate so high? Not really... But it would probably result in Serena's death and/or stomach pumping... Plus, Raye going to jail for manslaughter! Womanslaughter! Humanslaughter! Let's just call it "personslaughter" okay? I mean, we do know a few space aliens, right? Well one of them tried to kill us and wound up giving you amnesia... No! Alan didn't do that! He's too cute! It was his evil minion that gave me amnesia, not Alan! Whatever... So where should we move the show? How about we take a train ride and move into a cozy house on the east coast? Well, I kind of like that idea... But we're getting separate homes... There is no way, even if Hell froze over that I would be willing to share a bathroom with Serena! But I'm a good bathroom-buddy, Raye! Waaaaaahhhh! *Gasp* She said the h-word! She can't say the h-word! This is a good, nice, decent website! We can't say cuss words! Use the term "curse" words, Mina, it's much more noble! Nobler! Give her time out, now!! Well, "more noble" does sound more correct than "nobler". Correcter! I'm getting bored! Somebody wrap up this episode! *Sniffle* Okay... *Hic* I can... Sailor Moon *Sniffle* Says: Don't use the h-word when describing how much you would hate to share a bathroom with them! It's a very, very, very, very mean thing to do!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!! That wasn't a "teehee" but I guess it'll have to do...

Sunday, May 16th, 1999
Okay, we have our tickets, right? I wanted an aisle seat! Just, please, don't put me in the luggage! Can I sit on the floor? Only if you stop asking such stupid questions! Hurry up! The train leaves in ten minutes! Wait! I need some magazines! Let's see... Why are all of the magazines on this rack backwards? Serena! Hold on, I'm fixing this rack of magazines! Isn't that stripping the rack of its civil rights? *Giggle* What's wrong with it? They're all backwards! No they're not! In America, books and magazines are read back to front! Ooh! "Computers Unlimited!" Fine... Now to get some magazines... Let's see... I'll take "lirG revoC" and "yvaN dlO" You've got them backwards still! And you're reading the names of the ads on the back! This one is "Teen" and this other one "Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition" Ooh! *Giggle* We've got five minutes until the train leaves! Go and buy those magazines! Could not, would not, want to clean! But I don't have any money! *Gasp* That's right! This whole trip, we haven't had any money! Then how did we buy our train tickets? Maybe we didn't! Hey! My tickets are disappearing! Seee what you did, Mina? Now, we can't ride the train! Well, excu-use me! What are we gonna do? We have no tickets, no money, and the train leaves in five- Four. Minutes! Then let's hurry up and earn some money! Five humans, one cat... Twenty dollars each... We need one-hundred-twenty dollars! I'll get it for us! Mars, Star, Power!! How is that going to help? And where's Luna? First of all, I'm going to mug innocent bystanders... And second, she's not very important in today's episode, so she probably made it onto the train before our tickets dissappeared! So we only need one-hundred dollars! Which means if we don't get on that train, Luna will be taken to the other side of America! I'll miss her! Waaaahhh... We have three minutes until the train leaves! Okay, here's *Pant* sixty dollars! If I can't get enough in time, we'll just have to cheat our way onto the train by doubling tickets! Molly, go buy three tickets! You can't tell me what to do, you cheating jerk! I never cheated on you! But you sure tried! We don't have time for this! Give me the money! Hey! She took my sixty dollars! That wasn't your sixty dollars, Melvin, that was Raye's! Actually it was a combined donation from several innocent bystanders. Stop using big words! Serena doesn't use big words! Serena is stupid! And we all love the stupid idiotic Serena! So be her! Stop yelling at me! Waaaaahhhhhh! I would hardly use the term "donation"... Whew, I turned her back into her old self! Okay I've got the other sixty dollars! We only needed forty more. What?!?! You mean I mugged two extra people for nothing?!?! Raye! Stop it! Stop choking Melvin! He's turning purple! What's taking Mina so long? We're gonna miss the train, and I'll lose Luna! Waaaahhhh! *Gasp**Sputter* Thank you. We only have one minute left! We realized that Luna got on the train before the tickets disappeared... Okay! I've got three tickets! Who gets them? One for Raye, since she got the money, one for me, since I got the tickets, and one for Serena, since she can't lose Luna. What about us? Here's sixty dollars; go buy a pair of tickets! We're off to the train! Bye Molly! Bye Melvin! See you in Japan! We've got thirty seconds! Quick, let's get the tickets! What's taking this line so long? The train's leaving! Waitaminute! What? Ohh... They left us with sixty dollars! What should we do first? Let's gamble our money into a great fortune, catch up with them, then wow them with our financial superiority! Shouldn't we wrap this episode up? Right! But how do we do that without Serena? You end it! Okay... Sailor Molly Says: Don't give your friends all of your money before ditching them! That's the best advice ever given on Sailor Moo-, er, Molly Says!

Sunday, May 23rd, 1999
I'm glad we managed to make the train! So am I! I suppose I am as well... But why do I have to sit by you two? Hey! What's wrong with us? Well, for starters, you're both blondes... Shut up, you bigoted jerk! Ow! I thought we agreed to stop hitting! We did! My hand slipped and happened to hit you- Ow! But pulling your hair isn't exactly fighting! You're just jealous 'cause my hair gets all the guys, and all that are left for you, are dweebs like Melvin! Stop it you two! This is supposed to be an educated television, er, internet series! Not a prejudice-founded free-for-all! If people want that, they're at www.jerryspringer.com, not The Sailor Sun Fan Fiction Web Site! Fine... Since we're all sitting down, we can hardly have an adventure... I'm bored... But we can talk! Wait, aren't you supposed to be in the cargo car? Supposed to be! She's my cute, cuddly, kitty-cat! Youwe hogging me so hawd I can bawewy bweath, Sewena!!! Whatever happened to Molly and Melvin, anyway? I guess they couldn't get their tickets in time... (Which means I'm stuck on a train travelling one-way to America's east-coast with you two dumb blondes.) Gosh! I hope they don't team up with Amy and Alan in a plan to kill us! You're jinxing us... How long until we can get off of this train? Five days... Oh joy... So if we only do stuff once a week, how many episodes does that translate into? Between two and five... But if we are to continue to get any readers, we need a larger cast! Don't we have nine people? Yes, but how many are actually participating? Now that you three have gone off and ditched Molly and Melvin, our cast has decreased to the minimal number of us four! And four is hardly enough characters to revolve a plot around! Maybe Lita will fly on out to America to search for us, will run into us, and join our cast! Or maybe she'll attack us! Like Amy and Alan did! (Dumb blondes...) See Raye bit-, er, complain. Complain, Raye, complain. I'm tired now... Let's sleep... So people listen to us yap on-and-on for what, two minutes? What kind of website is this anyway? Well, I wouldn't mind a cat-nap, myself... Today has been very tiring, running around to make the train and all... Good night... *Yawn* Good night everyone. Don't let... The bed bugs- *Snore* BITE!!!!! Yiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't wake me like that!!!! Ah! My face! Stop scratching my face!!!! Get her, Luna! Go, Luna, go! Go, Luna, go! *Snore* Ow! Serena, wake- Ow! Up! Do the Sailor Moon- Ow! Says, so we can- Ow! End this epi- Ow! -sode! Okay, Sonny... Sailor Cuckoo Moon: Never puff below the sayings, for, *Yawn* cheese is yummierest under... *Snore* Under what?? Wake up!!!!!! You are what you *Snore* under-water... *Snore* I give up!

Sunday, May 30th, 1999
Hello! And welcome to Sailor Moon Says! I'm your host, Sail-, er, Serena!! And we're about to eat dinner! Who's she talking to? Why, the readers, of course. Raye is confused. See Serena confuse Raye. See Luna confuse Raye. See Serena and Luna confuse Raye. See me watch. Shut up!!!! Ooh! Porkchops! My favorite!! These scrambled-eggs are delicious! Uh... Mina... Sparks are coming out of your eggs... Must be a shockingly good meal... This seems a little too familiar... Like in the casino? Exactly! Except Raye isn't drunk this time! Excuse me?!?!?? I have never gotten drunk in my whole life! Someone has selective memory... I didn't hear you say that... Yikes! My porkchops are taking on the form of a human body! We can see that, Serena! Yes, but the readers can't! Therefore, we must blatantly state everything that happens, making ourselves look like idiots, in order for those reading what we are saying can know what is going on and make sense of the storyline! What readers???? See Serena. See Serena's porkchops. See Serena's porkchops turn into a shape. That shape is human. See Serena's porkchops turn into a shape of a human. See Serena's porkchops get bigger... Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly introduce our very own electric conductor, Sa-ailor Jupiter!!!!! Wow! Great entrance! *Clap* *Clap* You think? Definitely! Gee, thanks... Wait! I'm supposed to be enacting my revenge! For what?? For leaving Amy, Alan, and I in Japan! While you three take a trip to America! We didn't have time to take you! I even reminded them about you three! Yes, Lita, but Melvin dismissed you three! Fine... That may be true! But when Alan gave me magical cards to transport myself to America, I promised I would get revenge on you guys! Wait... where are Melvin and Molly, anyway? They're in Las Vegas right now... Wait! They're in Las Vegas... With my sixty dollars!! Uh, Raye, that wasn't exactly your sixty dollars... Lita, before you try to kill us and force us to battle you in a moving locomotive with plenty of innocent bystanders aboard, I have a small favor to ask of you. Go ahead, what is it? Well, we only have four people in our active cast right now, and it's kind of hard to revolve a plot simply around us... Had you not shown up today, there would be no new episode- You're all nuts!!!!!! Shut up, Raye! Luna's talking! Jupiter, Thunder, Crash! Aabbbbzzzztzttttttttrghg.... That... hurt... As I was saying, how would you like to join our cast? I'm pretty sure we would be able to run Sailor Moon Says with five main characters... Really! I'd love to!! Uh, do I still have to kill you guys? Well do you still want to? No. Well, maybe Raye... But you other three... As the official guardian cat of the Sailor Scouts, I use my judicial power to hereby clear Lita of all promises to Alan or Amy! Yay! Joy... Welcome back, Lita! Yeah! Uh... You might want to de-transform though... The other passengers are sort of looking at you strangely... Sure thing! Wait! We don't have enough time left! You'll have to de-transform between this and next week's episodes! This episode is over already! Well, that, and, the audience can never see us de-transform, remember? We don't have a de-transformation sequence! Ah! Good point! So, Serena, care to wrap up this episode? Sure thing! Sailor Moon says: When someone is trying to electrocute you, kids, just be their friend! Teehee!

Sunday, June 13th, 1999
*Yawn* How long until we get to, wherever it is we're heading anyway? How should I know, I'm only on this trip thanks to a magical playing card. I've forgotten too! Again? What do you mean 'again'? Did I forget where we were going once before? No, I'm talking about your amnesia, silly! You have amnesia? What's amnesia-silly? No, she was talking about your amnesia, and then calling you silly! (Dumb blonde.) Oh. Hey! How dare you call me silly! I meant it nicely! *Sigh* Every time... What's every time, Luna? About every week there's an argument! That's because new episodes of "Sailor Moon Says" only come out about every week. Good point. But still, can't we have one day without some of us fighting? Can't we all just get along? No!! Well atleast Serena and Raye aren't fighting this episode! What episode?? What are you nut-balls talking about? And secondly, I'm not fighting with Serena simply because I am the mature one out of the Sailor Scouts. Mature? Did you hear that, Mina? She thinks she's mature!!! Hahahaha! That's a riot! Raye, mature!! Bwahaha! I am mature! And if you don't beleive me, you can rot in hel- No cursing, Raye!!! We want this website to be suitable for the entire family!! Owwwww!!!! Stop scratching me, Luna!!!! What website?!? What are you talking about. Give me an I! I! Give me an M! M! Give me an M! Again? Yes! Fine... *Sigh* M... Give me an A! A! Give me a T! T! Give me a U! U! Give me an R! R! Give me an E! E! What does that spell? Hold on a sec... I-M-M-A-T-U-R-E... Umm... For goodness sakes, it's immature! What is? Luna? I'd prefer to be called a 'she', not an 'it', thank you very much. And I'm NOT immature!!!!!! Ow! My face! Stop it, Luna! No, I mean it spells immature!! What does it spell? Immature! I know you are, but what am I? That's it, you mangy, little brat!!! Mars, Star, Power!!!! Not in public... *Sigh* No cheating! Moon, Crystal, Power! Mina, back me up here! Right! Venus, Star, Power!!!! No-one ever asks for MY help... *Sigh* Oh, sorry, you wanna help, Lita? No thanks, I'm in the middle of a game of solataire. But thanks for asking! No problem! Still feel like battling the BOTH of us, Raye? Uh... I think I'll try out this solataire thing... Good idea... Oh, about your original question, when are we going to get there? Where? Wherever it is that we're going! Let's see... We've been on this train, for what is it, three episodes now? I'd say another two or three or four episodes, which translates to almost a month. We have to stay on this train for a whole more month!?! Right. *Groan* Well it will only seem like a few days to us. Oh that's better! Hey, Serena, care to end this episode for us? Sure thing! Sailor Moon Says: Don't groan your chicks before they hatch! Teehee! That doesn't make any sense! Maybe it was more like, Sailor Moon Says: Don't moan at chicks before they bash your head in? Try again! Sailor Moon Says: Don't eat chicklets in a big batch! You'll swallow some, and did you know that gum comes out when you go to the restroom? It never gets digested! Teehee! Just give it up.... *Sigh*
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