Sailor Moon Says, Season 2
Welcome to Sailor Moon Says: Your Weekly Alternative! This page has the archived episodes of the second season of Sailor Moon Says. To go back the directory of second season archived epispodes, click the link at the bottom of the page...
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Starring...
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Molly
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Luna
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Lita
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Amy
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Serena
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Raye
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Mina
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Alan
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Melvin
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Sunday, June 27th, 1999
I'm bored.
I'm plastic!
Huh?
Nevermind.
Serena, maybe you could work on your battling speeches while we're traveling!
Battling speeches?
You know: I am Sailor Moon, defender of justice...
No you're not! I am! I'm Sailor Moon!
Sssshhhh!! Be quiet Serena, we have secret identities, remember?
I'm tired of all this "secret identity" stuff! Why can't we just tell the whole world who we are?
Because, then the media will be after us, and we'll never have a moments privacy! They'll try to televise us twenty-four seven!
But I wanna be a star!
Okay, then how about this, airhead: The negaverse will be able to attack us any time they want, because if they know who we are, then they can find out where we live!
I didn't know the negaverse watched television...
What episode is this, anyway?
There you guys go again with crazy talk! What episode??????
I beleive this is episode eleven.
Wow, this has been an interesting season, hasn't it?
I'm still bored.
Great! What are we going to do? This episode has no plot!
Pillow fight!!!!!!!
Uh, Mina?
What?
We don't have any pillows, you dumb blonde!!!!!!!!!!!
Get off me! Get off me!!!!!!!!
*Roar*
Don't eat me! Don't eat me!
Now is this really appropriate, girls?
You know what I just realized?
What?
Serena's bored, I'm tired of playing solitaire, we have no plot, Raye keeps become inappropriate, and she's trying to eat Mina! I think it's time to end this episode!
What episode!!!!?!?!!?!?!
Don't eat me! Don't eat me!
I think you're right Lita.
Oh, goody! The end of any episode is my favorite part! It's the most fun! Sailor Moon Says: Don't eat your friends! Teehee!
Sunday, October 3rd, 1999
We're here!
Where's here?
We've already had this discussion! Please don't do this again!
I thought Luna said it would take a few more episodes until we reached our destination...
I did.
Liar!
Hey, now!
Liar, liar, pants on fire!
I didn't lie!
So you told the truth?
I thought I did!
So you didn't?
In the long run, no I didn't!
Then you lied!
No, I was mistaken!
You're still lying!
No, the deal is that Gemini6Ice got really busy in real life and couldn't write any more episodes of Sailor Moon Says! And by the time-
Liar!
By the time he had a chance to write another episode, it was time for us to have completed our train ride!
Episode?!?! You still aren't making any sense!
Liar, liar, on a telephone wire!
Well the train is stopping; we need to get off of it before it starts going again!
Good idea, Mina!
You never answered my question... Where are we now?
I don't remember...
The east coast... I believe we're in New York...
Liar!
The city or the state?
Well of course we're in the state, because even if we were in the city New York, the city New York is in the state New York.
Let's ask after we finish getting off the train.
Okay, we're off now... Now tell us!
I said we'd ask!
Then ask!
Hello!?! Nobody is going to listen to a talking cat; they'll just run away screaming!
Go stick your head into a dryer!
Excuse me, ma'am, where are we? Grand Central Station? Thank you! We're in Grand Central Station, guys.
We heard.
Where's that?
New York city! (Dumb blonde.)
Awww... I wanted to get a beach house!
We could take a cab to the actual coastline and try to find a beach house...
Liar!
Shut up already you annoying twit!!!!!!!!
My face!!! Stop scratching my face!!! Owwwww!!!
Will you shut up?
Yes! Just please stop!
Do we have any baggage we need to pick up?
Nope... All of our belongings burnt to a crisp in the plane crash to from Japan!
Stop looking at me like that, Luna!
So what do we do now?
I... need... pain...
Uhm?
Killers...
She passed out!
You think somebody poisoned her?
Why would you think that?
She said the word "killers" right before she died!
She didn't die, you dumb-butt! She just passed out from the pain! (Dumb blonde.)
Well back to my question...
Well we can't get the beach house, because we don't have any money...
Then let's get jobs!
Where?
Why right here, of course! In New York city!
I just realized: do your parents know that we're in America?
Of course they do! And you wanna know why?
I'm almost afraid to ask, but, why?
Because... we're spreading the news!
We're leaving today!
We want to be a part of it!
Your line, Lita!
I'm sick of this! She's always ruining our musical numbers!
I know what we should do now!
What?
Let's just end this stupid episode and hopefully, Lita will wake up by next week!
For once, I actually agree with garlic-breath here!
Sailor Moon Says: Don't call your cat a liar without taking pain-killers first!
I don't really think we should be encouraging little kids to be taking pain-killers...
This episode is over, so stop talking!!
Sunday, October 10th, 1999
Welcome back to Sailor Moon says, you faithful readers, you!
Am I the only person in reality here!?!?
Yes. Now shut up.
Yay! Lita's awake! Welcome back Lita!
Was I asleep for a whole week?
None of us really know, so let's just go find jobs!
I'll call a taxi!
Call a taxi what?
It's not nice to call names...
TAXI!!!!!
Where to? Uhm... Where are we going, guys?
Well, mister, um, taxi-driver, we're looking for jobs... Know any good places? ... Okay, take us there, please!
Where's he taking us?
Some restaurant called Hal's Heaven, I think. It was hard to understand through his accent.
I am listening to my inner voice that predicts the future and it says that trying to find jobs at Hal's Heaven will be extremely inappropriate, especially for that website that you guys are always talking about.
Which website? The Sailor Sun Fan Fiction Web Site?
I think so; I'm not sure.
Wow! A Sailor Sun! When is she joining us?
There is no Sailor Sun.
Then why does she get Gemini6Ice's website! I want one, too!
But you don't not exist!
Huh?
Maybe you have to not exist to get a website!
So those who do exist don't get one?
Theoretically, yes.
Man! I wish I didn't exist!
But if you didn't exist, then you couldn't wish to not exist, so then you would still exist!
What!?!?
I'm not exactly sure...
Well, stop babbling, you two! We're here! Hal's Heaven!
Hurry up, Luna!
Your payment? I'm sorry, but we don't have any money! Eeeek! Get inside everyone, he's trying to run us over!
*Pant, pant* The door's locked!
Wouldn't that be the doors are locked?
Why?
Well there are two doors, not one.
Technically, they're double-doors.
He's heading straight at us! Somebody open the doors!
Moon, Crystal, Power!!!
Wow! She's... Sailor Moon!
Um, we already know her identity, remember? (Dumb wanna-be-blonde.)
Oh, right...
Moon, Tiara, Magic!!!
Quick, everybody, get inside!
What are you girls doing in my heaven?
Alan?!? What are you doing here?
Who's Alan? Did somebody get in without admission?!?
Oh! Are you Hal?
Yes, I am. And why have you four broken into my heaven? (Not that I mind...)
Five, thank you very much!
A talking cat, wow!
Whoa, he looks just like Alan!
I know! Isn't it creepy?
Why is someone banging at the door!?!
Oh no! It came down! The taxi-driver is after us!
Sailor Moon, you wanna help me stop him? Mars, Star, Power!!!
Sure thing! Moon, Scepter, Elimination!!!
Mars, Celestial Fire, Ignite!!!
Yay! You two killed the taxi driver!
We killed him!?! Oh no... Killing is wrong!
Well now that you ladies have ruined my front doors, by first throwing a magical tiara at them, then leading a taxi-cab through them, then burning them with celestial fire, I think it's only fair that help work off your debt by working here! As waitresses!
Yay! We've got our jobs!
But we don't get to keep any of the money until we pay off his front doors!
Wow, you were right, Raye! This was a bad idea!
As I always am.
When do we start?
You start for me next week!
Why not until then?
Because it's time to end this episode. Right, Sailor Moon?
Of course, Hal, you have the cutest cheeks... Both face and but-
End the episode already, Sailor Moon!
He has the dreamiest eyes...
Sailor Moon Says: Killing is wrong. Looking at Hal is just so... right...
Where's the teehee, meatball-head?
Nah, how about a *Sigh* instead?
Fine, whatever. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a-
*Sigh*
Sunday, October 17th, 1999
Hal, we're here!
Where's here?
We're not having this discussion again!
No, where isn't here, we are!
Wha...
In my heaven, that's where!
I'm in Hal's Heaven... *Sigh*
So what do we do, hal? And you had better not make us wear skimpy outfits!
Of course not... just don't hit me, okay? And maybe, um, put me down?
Oh, sorry, sure...
Thanks... Now Raye, I want you tending the bar...
Sure thing!
No way!
And why not?
'Cause you'll just get drunk on the job! Remember that whole incident in Las Vegas?
No...
Well I wasn't asking you; you had amnesia!
I had amnesia? Wow, I don't remember that!
Fine, Sailor Moon, you-
Uh, I'm not in my fuku right now, so please call me Serena, okay?
*Sigh* Fine, Serena Okay, you-
No! Just plain "Serena"! No "Okay", no "Moon", just "Serena"!
Serena,
Thank you.
You handle the bartending with Raye. Lita and Mina, do you two mind waiting tables?
Not at all!
Do we have to wear skimpy outfits!?!?!
Please... let... go... of... my... neck... I... can't... breathe...
Oh no! He's passed out!
I thought he was Hal...
I guess we're just going to have to handle tonight all by ourselves!
The doors open in fifteen minutes! Lita, carry Hal to his office, where he can be passed out comfortably, okay?
Sure thing!
I'll get the note pad to take orders! The cooks are all in the kitchen, right?
Yep!
Open the doors!
What do you mean, a girl like me in a place like this... Oh, Darien, you're so sweet!
Raye?
Yeah; what?
The customers that need tending to are coming... We can daydream afterwards, okay?
Y'know... Gemini6Ice has totally ruined your character!
Wait! You're not supposed to understand the fact that we aren't real! Maybe Gemini6Ice isn't writing this one...
I wonder...
Hal... Wake up, Hal... Wakie, wakie. Hmm... He's asleep... We're all alone... Maybe I could see a little more of his fine body... Hehehe... Wow, this is fun! Oh no, I don't know how to untie a tie...
Gsssssspppppp.....
Oh no! I tightened the tie! I gotta untighten it! Scissors! I need scissors! He doesn't have any... I'll shock the tie off! Yeah! Jupiter, Star, Power!!!
Uhhhhmmm....
Jupiter, Thunder, Crash!!!
What's going on!?!?! Where is my shirt? Where are my pants? Why am I naked?
Uhm... You came on to me, so I had to knock you out, and you just came to...
I don't remember that...
We all get amnesia every now and then, don't worry about it... I've got tabel to attend! I'll see you later!
Hey, come back here! Hey! I can't get up! My hands are cuffed! Lita!!!
A club sandwich, no pickles? Coming right up, sir!
How's everything going, Mina?
One clubbie, ex- the dills! What? Oh fine, I'm just extremely busy... I wonder where Lita is...
Sorry, I got stuck in Hal's office.
What happened?
Nothing... don't worry about it...
Wow, she's smiling big... I bet she's lying...
You think?
Most definately!
Oh! The club sandwich is ready! Gotta book!
I think it's time to end this episode...
You always do it... Give someone else a turn... Like Lita!
Teehee! I like that idea! Hey Lita!!!
What?!?
End this episode, okay?!?
Sue thing!!! Sailor Jupiter Says: If you ever try to undress Hal while he's sleeping, be sure to learn ahead of time how to untie a necktie! *Blush*
Huh? What'd you say?!? I couldn't hear you all the way over here!!!
Nothing! Don't worry about it!!!
Sunday, October 31st, 1999
Happy Halloween! Welcome to Hal's Heaven!
Um, don't you mean Sailor Moon Says?
No, I mean Hal's Heaven. We're working here right now!
No fair! I wanted to go trick-or-treating!
Stop whining, meatball-head!
Make me, uh... pickle-nose!
Spaghetti for brains!
Stop it you two!
Speaking of Hal,
We weren't.
Shut up! If I say you were, then you were!
But we weren't! Oww!!! My face!!!
Now, as I was saying, Lita, don't you think what you did last week-
Two- Oww!!!
-what you did two weeks ago was a little inappropriate, even for our standards?
If I say yes, will you promise to not scratch me?
No.
Okay, I suppose it was a little too risque...
That's right! This week, since it's Halloween, focus your efforts on something less sexual, and more, well, gory!
All right! Mars, Fire, Ignite!!! Die, Serena!!!
I'm... dying...
Uh, Serena...
She can't hear you... she's dead...
But we have to open for business in a few minutes! What do we do?
I know what we can do, Hal...
Lita!
Sorry... Sorry, Hal... I can't this week...
Can't what?
You mean what happened two weeks ago...
Nothing happened two weeks ago...
You mean Lita lied?
I didn't lie! Gemini6Ice wrote the incident, not me!
Can we get back to Serena being dead please?
Oh yes, of course... Raye... Oh my god! You killed Serena! You wonderful person!
Enough allusions already!
What's that?
Nevermind...
Serena, you're not dead.
I'm not? Are you sure? I feel dead...
You do?
No, not really...
Okay, then.
Are you sure I'm not dead?
Yes, I am! Raye wasn't even transformed into Sailor Mars when she attacked you, so her attack didn't even work!
Oh, good point! I guess you're right!
Raye... is Sailor Mars?!?
He's found out my secret identity! Oh no!
Just one question...
What?
Who's Sailor Mars?
Dangit, now we don't have to kill him anymore...
Can we end this episode up yet, so I can whip up some saltwater taffy for you guys?
Saltwater taffy! Oh, how I love not being dead! Um, Sailor Moon Says: If you don't feel dead, then chances are that you aren't! Boo! Now show me the taffy!
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