Sailor Moon Says, Season 3
Welcome to Sailor Moon Says: Season 3! These are the brand-new episodes of your favorite loud-mouthed, disembodied characters! This page airs the current episode, and older episodes will be archived on other pages. These new episodes will be coming at you once a week, so be prepared!
Starring...
Lita
Amy
Serena
Molly
Mina
Darien
Melvin
Edison
Halan
Luna
Artemis

Episode 49: "Tanks for Everything"
How do I get everyone out of here before Amy comes back? Go Gidget! Oh dear! The front door just caved in! Along with the rest of the wall around it! It's Amy! Are you going to get out my penthouse the easy way or the hard way? Neat! Is this the new XD-478 tank? Yep, it sure is! I've been saving up for the XD-477 for a year now! And I'm nowhere near being able to afford it! How in the world did you pay for it? Oh, I just went to www.redtanksale.com! Did she say "tank" or "tag"? I'm not sure, but I bet you that's dead link there! If I were still part of "Sailor Moon Says," I'd make some sort of comment about how ridiculous it is to be able to speak a hyperlink! Yeah, well, you're not. So shut up. What happened to your faithful devotion to me, Dar? I'm not Dar; I'm Darien! And you brainwashed me, you freak! Now go away! You're supposed to have been attacked by mole people! Yeah, I'm afraid I agree with Darien, Raye. We shouldn't find out what happened to you until at the very least next season. Yeah, and before this season ends, we still have this movie to finish watching-- --that you've been watching for three weeks-- --and kittens for Luna to have-- --get me painkillers first!-- --and our wedding to attend to! Finally! Now that we're done with those stupid dashes-- No! Your giant mech robot is possessed by the Portuguese man's ghost, Gidget! Fine! I'm leaving! I never told you what happened to me, anyway! You're not on the show! You can't leave! You can't even arrive! You were never here! No evil Raye. Just the way I like it. Okay, now that we're done with the interruptions... Get out of my penthouse! You see this giant tank? I'm not afraid to use it! Wait, how much did you pay for it? Just five hundred. Wow! I have to go order one now! I have to warn you, though: they all come red. That's why they're cheaper. Because they're red? But... your XD-488 here is blue! Devil in a blue tank, blue tank... Shut up, Melvin dear. Sorry, Edison, what did you say? Why are red tanks cheaper? Well, they just paint them red to coincide with their name, "Red Tank Sale." But, also, red paint is one of the cheaper colors, or at least it used to be; that's why old schoolhouses (in America) were red. Ah! That makes sense! So you painted it yourself, then? Yeah, that's why it took me a week to get back up here--down here, I mean--with it. How did you get it down here, anyway? I took the service elevator. Ah. I don't mean to be rude, because I do very much enjoy bonding over heavy machinery with you, Edison, but would you mind if I cut our conversation short? I was in the middle of attacking my friends with this thing. Oh, certainly. Would you like me to-- --now which button moves the barrel of it? (I accidentally painted the manual onto the tank's surface somewhere, and now I can't find it.) This one? Oops! The T.V.! Our b-movie! No!!! Is that... a giant blue tank? Why is Amy driving a tank? And why didn't anyone warn us that she was going to? Melvin didn't want to betray his "one and only love," I guess. Hmph! I tried to warn-- Get out of my penthouse! Now! I'm sick of you people lounging about! You've been here for three weeks! Now go home! I live here, Amy, remember? Yeah, and I'm rooming with Serena. And, anyway, I bought this penthouse after I won all that money in Las Vegas, remember?!? I'm on a tank rampage! Don't argue with me! (Do we have a TV in our room, Serena?) (No. Where are we going to get a TV now? Or at least something that gets reception?) Why are you two looking at me like that? Ow! Stop hitting me on the head! Ow! If we hit her enough, she should turn back into Namimi, the fifth teletubby! To our room! Help! Well, at least they're out of my hair. Now, as for you! Who? Us? I can't believe Serena deserted me like that! I'm pregnant! I can't move! Um, i'm pregnant too? I like your tank. Yeah, I already decided I like you, Edison; you get to stay. And Melvin is my schnookums. The rest of you, however... Um, Amy? What is it, Edison?!? Before you completely ruin your nice penthouse, would you like me to blast us all into an alternate dimension or something? I'm a little scared... Shh, I'll keep you safe, honey. Yeah, I'm kinda scared too. I'm not going to hold you tight, Darien. Darn. An alternate dimension?!? You can do that? Hey, they don't call me a magical elephant for nothing. I hate having to go to so much trouble to get people to leave my apartment. Yeah, it's a pain in the butt to open magical portals, but it's a lot easier than replacing all your furniture and stuff. Haec vera est. (Latin for "This is true.") Wait! i have an idea! Can you just send themto an alternate dimension? Oh! Of course! The less people I send, the easier it is! Yay! I'm happy now! This can't be good... Please hold me...? *Sigh* Fine. Where are we go-- And they're gone. Good. Do you think she knows that we hid in the cabinet? Just stay quiet and she'll never find out. Melvin, honey, could you please clean up this apartment while I go and park the tank in the parking garage? Clean... this mess...? You're such a wimp, Melvin. Really. Just get a broom and dustpan and go at it. Edison, would you like to help me find a parking spot for this thing? I'd love to! I'm all alone. Darien, Lita, Luna, Artemis, and Halan have been transported to an alternate dimension; Mina, Serena, and Molly are trying to watch that B-movie; and Amy is parking her tank with a magical, blue elephant. Should we let him know that we're still here? No, he'll probably tell Amy. Let's just hide in here until she cools off. Or dies. one of the two. I can't believe I'm jealous of an elephant... Oh! Look! The camera's on us now! Hi! We're in our room, trying to get the b-movie on mina's tummy! ... She's unconscience. Unconscious? Yeah! And no movie yet! Try hitting her on the head with something harder! Sailor Moon Says: Where's a giant hammer when you need one?
Originally aired: Sunday, June 15th, 2003
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