July 2002
Sailor Venus,
Recently, my buddy Bill has been very agitated. Whenever I want to play with him, he just growls at me. Oh, yeah, he's my dog. Anyway, my family just moved a few months ago, and it took me a while to get used to this new house. But Bill has been pretty irritable ever since. When he used to get upset, before we moved, I'd just pretend to ignore him, and he'd come hang out with me. But that doesn't even work anymore!
I asked Mommy and Daddy to take him to a pet psychiatrist, but they said they didn't have the money! I don't know what's wrong with Bill! I want him to be happy again! Can you help?
Sincerely,
Little Mindy Crawford

Little Mindy Crawford,
Canines are interesting creatures. Have you ever noticed Bill burying bones in the yard? I hear dogs like to do that. Now, I own a cat, but Artemis says he's seen his fair share of dogs burying bones. My guess is that Bill probably buried a few bones at your old house. How would you feel if you had to leave a bunch of toys behind before moving?
The solution: Until you manage to get Bill to open up and share his feelings, it'll be difficult to cheer him up. Instead, it may be easier to get all of his old bones. If he's in a bad mood, he won't want to come with you. And that means you'll have to find all of the bones yourself. And I'm warning you now: bones are hard to find! It takes grown archaeologists years to find bones!
I suggest you hurry up and get to your old house before some archaeologist digs up the bones that Bill buried and puts them in a museum somewhere. And since a bicycle will probably be your fastest means of travel, be sure to wear a helmet, kneepads, and elbowpads. Don't forget to bring along a bag to keep all the bones in and a shovel to dig them up with.
The plastic shovel from your nearby sandbox or beach may be a little weak to penetrate the bedrock that Bill's bones are likely to be buried beneath. If you can get your hands on heavy machinery, you should be able to find the bones fairly quickly. But if you can't, break into your parents' toolshed and grab the biggest iron shovel you can find. If it's too heavy, tie a rope to it and your bicycle. A red Radio Flyer wagon may make the commute with the shovel easier.
Also consider bringing friends with you. The more children that dig up holes in a hard, the faster you'll all be to find any buried bones! Once you've found all the bones in the area, take them back to Bill. He'll be so thrilled that he'll back to his old self in no time at all!
Love and Beauty,
Sailor Venus

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