|
August 2002 Hey there, Sailor Venus! I saw your new column and there's something I'd like to ask you. You see, there's this girl I have a crush on at summer camp (things come and things go, AND things end in a crush, I always say), but I'm not sure if she feels the same way. Can you help? Lovesick, Nick Lovesick Nick, Well, the simplest method would be to go up to her and say, "Hi. I have a crush on you. Will you go out with me?" But that can be very heart-breaking if she turns you down. To avoid this, come up with something she can't turn down. Treat her a gourmet dinner at a fancy french restaurant and impress her with how you can almost pronounce the words on the menu. Wait, you have to get her to agree to go out with you first. I almost forgot! Get her a bouquet of flowers, preferrably roses. Roses are always romantic. Normally, I'd recommend making sure all the thorns are sanded off first. However, if you happen to have a blood fetish, I'd suggest leaving the thorns on the roses. When she pricks herself, offer to suck the blood off of her finger for her. If she declines, do it anyway. If she slaps you, suck on her whole hand. Now this may seem very odd, but I assure you, that's the best way to win over a vampire. Now if the girl in question doesn't happen to be a vampire, bring her candy as well. Unless, of course, she's watching her weight. If you two know each other from a "fat camp," then candy will be just the treat she's been forced to do without all this time. I can hear you wondering how to go about getting the courage to go up and talk to her. Try calling her. Get a hold of her number and call her late at night so she'll be disoriented. Breathe loudly so she won't recognize your voice. Then ask her out on a date. And to seal the deal, threaten to do harm to her puppy if she doesn't agree to the date. Remember, in love, never give up. If you follow someone around enough, they're bound to get sick enough of the creepiness to give dating you a chance! |
Hello, Minako-sama! I had a friend named [name deleted], and she was really rude at my house. My parents didn't like her, and I told her that she had to change her ways. Now, she and I don't speak. If she were actually willing to change, I would have tried to continue our friendship, but I don't know how. How do I fix this? Looking for a good pally, Ali Ali, Ali, Ali, A lot of people resist change because they're scared of it. The way to convince someone change is good is to show them the effects that the change will bring and hope that those positive consequences will alleviate their fears. But sometimes, people don't know how to go about change. And that seems to be the case here. If you want your friend to change, take her clothes shopping at the mall. After several hours of shopping, she's sure to have found something that she likes. Then suggest returning to her house. Once there, set her on fire. Matches will work, but a lighter is far better. A lighter is much easier to get a flame with than matches are, which gives you the element of surprise in torching your friend's clothes. As she rolls around on the floor in an attempt to put out the conflagration, dump a bucket of water (which you should have strategically placed earlier that day) on her, putting out the flame. If she's uninjured, her comments will most likely be about your ruining her clothes. Now this is the good part: suggest she put on the clothes the two of you just bought while shopping! As her current clothes are now smoldering and smelling of ash, she'll be more than happy to change into the new clothes. That, Ali, is the way to get a friend to change! Love and Beauty, Sailor Venus  |
| Back to July 2002 |
Forward to September 2002 |