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Wow! An all-new season! I wonder what surprises it'll bring!
Maybe some new sailor scouts!
Wow! Like who?
I dunno... Sailor Sun?
Wow! Sailor Sun!
Stop saying "wow", you ditz!
Ow!
I said stop saying it!
Raye! Stop hitting her! She said "ow", not "wow"!
Oh. Heeheehee...
Girls! This is where we wrap up all the cliffhangers from last season!
But we didn't have any, did we?
Sure we do! We have two! (Oh by the way, so our readers know, we're in the penthouse right now.)
Yes. First of all, is my name Alan, Hal, or Alan now? Because, I now have memories of being both extremely attractive people.
Too bad you couldn't forget the ego-trip...
And secondly, what about my status as a teletubby?
Stop saying that word!
I've got it! How about you're multiple-personality! One is Mina, Sailor Venus, and the other is Namimi, the fifth, um, orange teletubby!
Stop saying it!!
Shut up, Melvin!
Don't tell my Melvin to shut up!
I'm sorry, Amy.
I'm sorry too, Serena!
I love you, Amy! (As a friend, that is.)
I love you too, Serena! (As a friend as well.)
Okay, now what about Alan-slash-Halan-slash-Hal's cliffhanger?
Oh right, I totally forgot! Um, I like Halan, basically because I coined it, but it makes the most sense!
True that!
Ehrm...
I can't pull that off, can I?
Nuh-uh.
Okay, I can accept that! From now on, I am Halan, the club owner and space alien combined!
Yay! Wait, where's Molly?
She borrowed some money from her bank account and went backpacking through Europe.
But why?
She said she was tired of being treated like trash by all of you, so she left! Besides, Gemini6Ice didn't want to have to deal with that many characters in one episode. However, she is still in the opening credits, so we can expect her to return from Europe by the end of the season.
Woohoo. Y'know, I hate her whiny, "oh-pity-me" attitude. It really makes me sick! That and the fact that she keeps trying to steal away my shnookums!
Who's your shnookums?
I am!
Is that the right way to spell shnookums?
Well, considering the fact that it isn't even a real word, I very much doubt that it really matters how we spell it.
Good point.
Hmm... I think this episode is long enough that we can stop talking now!
Oh, what are we gonna do once it's over. Remain silent until next week or the next episode, whichever comes last? Dumb blonde...
And I'm sick of Raye's attitude! Let's just end this episode!
Well, what're we gonna do next time?
The same thing we do every time, Minky: try to take over the world! *Giggle*
Huh?!?
Nevermind my silly shnookums...
How about we search for the long-lost Darien? Or even Artemis!
That sounds like a very fecund idea!
Did she say what I thought she said?
Uh-huh...
What did I say? Fecund?
*Gasp*
Sailor Moon Says: Gotta go! Time to wash kitty's mouth out with soap!
Wha... Eeeeek!!! Get away from me! Heeelllp!!!!
Okay, here's the deal: I used to live in Japan and speak English like the reast of my Sailor Moon peers here. Then, all of a sudden, all of them realize that, and decide to do something about it. So they pack their bags and leave for America. However, they leave behind Amy, Lita, and myself. So we get our revenge. In other words, my wickedness from being part of the Negaverse returns. I send Amy to defeat them. It doesn't work. Then I try, and I fail as well. Third, I send Lita. She never comes back so I assume she vanquished them-
Y'know... If the readers wanted to know what has happened before now, they can just read the past episodes... I really think your rant is merely a stall tactic so Gemini6Ice can have more time to think up a plot for this episode.
Shut up. Then the government kidnaps me and brainwashes me into being Hal, the owner of Hal's Heaven. Let's just call it a club and leave it at that. After all... this is a family website.
What website?!?
Then Sailor Moon heals me, returning my memory to me. And so I'm good again. But why did did the government brainwash me into a low-class, crass-
-Crabgrass!!!
Piece of glass!!!
Shut up or I'll kick your-
-club manager! However, there's a two-month gap between my last memory of Japan and my first memory of America as Hal. What happened during those two months?
Dum-dum-dum...
Stop making fun of me!!!
Begin episode two. Time: after episode one. Place: Hal's Heaven.
Hey! How come you get to be the director?!?
Because I'm the best director here.
Says who?
Says Melvin!
Yeah! You should see the videos we make at home!
That was inappropriate.
This from the cat that said the f-word last episode?
I didn't say the f-word! I said fecund!
I can't here you! I can't here you!
Hear.
What?
You said "here." You meant "hear."
I don't get the difference.
Well, for starters, one is spelt h-e-r-e. The other is spelt h-e-a-r. The first one means "this place." The second one means "to receive sounds through the ear."
Oh. Hey, aren't you supposed to be in Europe?
Oops, I forgot.
It's time for my number... At first I was afraid... I was petrified...
You guys remember when I had my own band... Alan and the Cardigans... *Sigh* Those were the times...
And now for a game! Sailor Moon Says!
How do you play?
I don't play. You play.
Why won't you play with us?
*Snicker*
*Skittle*
*Mars*
What?
Okay, how do we play?
It's like Simon Says... Only instead, I say it!
Who's Simon?
Maybe he's related to Melvin?
I don't think I have any relatives...
Okay, ready to start?
You had better get some good tips for this!
Here's one! Don't fart while smoking; gas is flammable.
Or even better: Don't smoke.
I don't understand the game...
Then don't play!
Okay... I'll go look for Simon!
Sailor Moon says jump. Sailor Moon says clap. You didn't jump or clap, Mina! You're out!
First of all, I wasn't playing your stupid game that doesn't make any sense! You tell us what to do and we do it? You're just a power freak! And second of all, is that you call people out? By just calling their names? What about people that you don't know, huh? Do they win? Huh!?!
Mina! Calm down!
No!
Excuse us for a minute...
Follow them!
No way!
Where you guys goin'?
Melvin followed them! He's out!
I am not!! Oh... Out of the game! Okay, then. *Nervous laughter*
Hmmm...
I'm bored... I'm gonna go... See all you guys later...
Melvin! Wait for me!
Now readers, scroll up on this page and check off the "starring" list with a dry-erase marker, so you can know who's left!
What readers?!?
That running-gag is so old, Raye. Just shut up.
Huh? What's up, foo'? Yo' wanna take 'dis outside?
Yes, I think I do, you annoying piece of trash!
Violence is never the solution to anything! Come back inside, you two!
All I wanted to do was play a little game... Now everyone is gone... *Sniffle* Sailor Moon Says: Don't play games.
Time: Today. Place: Amy, Melvin, and Serena's penthouse.
Sheesh. Don't we ever hang out anywhere besides Hal's Heaven and here?
Hey, it's better than your place, Lita!
Who's the cutest?
Who?
You are!
Who's the smartest?
Who?
You are!
*Giggle*
I'm bored...
As always. I swear, you have the attention span of a two-year-old!
You shouldn't swear, Raye! Stop looking at me, Melvin; I did not say the f-word! I said fecund!
Stop saying it!
Geez, Gemini6Ice! Can't you write anything more interesting than this?!?
Well how the-
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
-do you expect to retain any readers with this downfall of plot ideas from you?
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
Um, what did he do? I don't see any changes...
Fecund?
That's it! We're washing out your mouth with soap again!
Noooo---bblblblblbblblbl....
Naaaaaaaaa......
Uh, Mina, you okay?
Meeeeeeeee...... Meeeeeeeee......
Did she just say what I thought she said?
Namimi!!!
Oh no! She's a -
Don't say it!
Shut up, nerd-bucket!
Owwwwww....
How dare you hit my Melvin like that, you-
I'm in too much pain to beep! Someone else do it!
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! Like that?
Yeah.
-teletubby again! She's a teletubby again!
*Groan*
You wanna take this outside, smurf?
No, not really... I'd prefer to fight in here... You know, the home advantage and all...
Well, that's too bad, 'cuz we're taking this outside, you blueberry muffin!
You're-
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
-ing me off, you-
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
-ing-
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
*Gasp* How dare you!?! Outside, now!
Well there she goes again! My princess in shining armor!
Then what does that make you?
Uh-oh!!!!
A sir in distress?
Does anyone else think that it's time to wrap this episode up?
Hewwo!!!!
I'll take that as a yes. Sailor Moon Says: Don't backtalk to Gemini6Ice; he'll turn you into a teletubby!
Stop saying it!!!
I hate that Amy!
Why?
Hello?!? Are you dense or something? Wait, you're Serena; why am I even asking?
She's grumpy...
I know, right!
That phrase is so old!
Okay, since she won't tell me... Lita, why's she mad at Amy?
Mad? I'm not mad! I hate that stupid-
Time: The timeline of this series doesn't match any conventional calendar, so forget about it. Place: The hospital.
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
I believe the setting intro served well enough to censor Raye's explicit language, Lita.
Oh. *Giggle* Anyway, she's mad-
Hates!
-at Amy for beating her in their little death-match-
Battle!
-and sending her to the emergency room.
Oh. Where is Amy, anyway? Come to think of it, where's Melvin? And Mina?
Well Gemini6Ice hasn't gotten, well, un-mad at her yet, so she's still Namimi, the fifth orange teletubby. I left her in the penthouse watching "Teletubbies" on PBS. She thinks she's watching her friends on her belly.
Wow! That's even dumber than Serena!
And that's saying a lot!
Hey! You're supposed to be on my side, Luna! *Sniffle*
She's about to cry! Somebody stop her!
Okay, enough of that. Cut to next segment. Place: The coffeehouse that has yet to be named by Gemini6Ice.
You stopped the evil Raye! You're my hero, Amy!
Aww, sweetie-pie, it's all in a day's work... After all, I am, well, you-know-who.
Now that we're alone, I have to tell you about something...
What is it, honey?
I went to the store today... and... well... I got something...
I understand... *Sniffle* I knew this day would come someday... when you realized...
Yes... Now I know for sure... without any doubt...
Yes... that I'm not your... "type"...
Huh? What are you talking about?
You mean you're not-
-in love with Molly? No way!
No, that's not what I was thinking... I meant that she isn't your "type" either...
Well not anymore, because I've finally realized-
-who your type is... *Sniffle* I was right... You love A-
-my. I love you. And I got something...
For me?
*Nod* Amy... umm... what's your last name? Is it Anderson or Mizuno?
I... don't... know... For the record, just call me Amy!
Okay, Amy... will you marry me?
Oh my Go-
-sh!!!
It's beautiful! Yes, Melvin! Yes, I'll marry you!!!
Oh, I love you so much!
I love you too!
I wanna do this one! Cut! Next scene! Place: Amy, Melvin, and Serena's penthouse.
But we're not done yet! (Melvin, are we done yet?)
Yeah, I think so. I mean, what goes on next can't be a scene, right?
Good point! *Giggle* Go ahead, Serena!
Thank you. Okay, action!
Teletubbies! Teletubbies! Say.... hello! Eh-oh! Eh-oh! Eh-oh! Eh-oh! Tinky-winky! Dipsy! Laa-laa! Po! Namimi!!! Heeheeheehee!
Sailor Moon Says: I really hope that Gemini6Ice returns her to normal sometime soon...
MELVIN?!? AMY?!? Lita and I are hoo-oome!
Uh-oh!
Hey Mina...
Hey Mina! Are you feeling better yet?
Hewwo!
I'll take that as a "no."
Naaaaaaah... meeee... meeee...
Guess what!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkk!!!!!!
What?
Don't sneak up on me like that!
Well just so you know, I'm here too.
I can see that, Melvin...
Is she still Namimi? Sheesh! Stop licking the T.V.!
Dee-bee?
No, tee-vee!
Tee-bee?
Tee-vee!
This is worse than watching "Teletubbies!"
Stop saying the word! Do you want Gemini6Ice to get sued?
That depends... Would he rather be sued, janed, lisaed...
Dee-vee?
Good enough.
...or maryed?
Melvin! Did you tell them?!?
That we're getting married? No, I didn't tell anyone. He said maryed, not married.
Oh.
Wow! You're getting married? Congratulations!
Oops!
You miserable, little-
OW! Ouch! That's hurts! Ouch! Ouch! Ow! Aggggghhhhhhh!
Oops... Somebody get an ice-pack!
What happened?
I accidentally hit him in the... you-know.
It can't be that painful!
Yeah, really!
Oh, please! It makes me wince even thinking about it!
Ice... pack...
I've got 'em! Hey! Let go of 'em, Mina, Namimi, whatever your name is! Let go! Hey come back here with the ice-packs!
Iiiicccceeee..... *Slurp*
Namimi ate the ice-packs!
Melvin needs them!
Tell that to our teletubby over here!
What about the fact that those things are toxic?!? If she doesn't spit them out, she could be poisoned!
You know, I just realized... When I walked in, nobody said hello to me...
Oh... Hi, Halan!
Hi, Halan!
Hi, Halan!
Eh-oh!
Ice... pack...
Gemini6Ice, you've gotta change her back to Mina! If you don't, she could die!
Well, yes, but there's no plausible way of her surviving other than her becoming our beloved Mina and Sailor Venus once again to spit out the ice-packs! Can't your forgive her for talking back to you, please?
Yes! Very much so! Thank you!
Patooey!
Yay! She's alive! Now we can work on wedding preparations for you two lovebirds!
Let's do that next time! Let's just end the episode!
Aren't I handsome?
Sailor Moon Says: Halan is hot! Sizzling hot! Oh, and handsome, too!
| Forward to Episodes 6 through 10 |