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Hello, and welcome to the Amy and Melvin show!
Wow, "Sailor Moon Says" became "Amy and Melvin"?
I don't know if it did, but regardless, it should be, so we'll just pretend it is, okay, sweetheart?
Okay, honey-bunch!
Now as you all know, we're getting married, and today we begin the preparations for the wedding!
Like what?
Like what religious leader binds us together... Whom we invite... And will they throw rice or blow bubbles at us...
I like bubbles better.
Well, considering the fact that I'm Sailor Mercury and most of my powers involve bubbles, I like them better, too! *Forced laugh*
Great one, honey! *Forced laugh*
We also need to decide what kind of cake to get... Where we're going to hold the ceremony... And the reception...
Can we make Julian fries?
I don't know about you, but I sure can!
Wow! Julian fries are coming out of your ears! You sure are talented, honey!
Why thank you, sweetheart! (Who writes this corny junk, anyway?)
Okay, before we go back on the air, or web page, or whatever, let's get down-
-and boogie.
to business. Whom we invite... Um, Serena, Lita, Raye, Mina...
Halan...
Molly! I want to see her bawl her eyes out in the back row!
She's hitch-hiking across Europe, remember?
Oh, yeah... Dam-
-mp! These sheets are damp! Did you spill something, Melvin?
Only my overflowing love for you, my dear!
Awww...
Something's moving under the covers!
Eeek!!! Is it a snake!?!?
So I hear I'm not invited to the wedding...?
Darien!
Tuxedo Mask! Wait, so Darien is Tuxedo Mask?
How dare you give away my secret identity, Amy?!?
Oh, it's okay! I already know about all four-and-a-half scouts!
Four-and-a-half...?
Mina's half a... you-know...
And that makes her not a full Sailor Scout! What kind of hypocritical bigot are you! I mean, you've gotta be totally you-know!
I am not! There are only four-and-a-half!
I wasn't calling you a sailor scout!
I don't like all this arguing in the morning... *Yawn* Let's get out of our tv-set bed and have some breakfast, shall we?
No, a you-know! There are only four-and-a-half! Dipsy, La-la, Tinky-Winky, Po, and Namimi, which is what Mina is half the time!
I'm totally lost.
Melvin here doesn't approve of saying it...
Even though he is...?
He's not a teletubby!
A what? Is this some American thing? 'Cause I just got here, y'know!
British. They're colorful television-babies. And Mina got hit over the head and now every so often she reverts to being the fifth, orange teletubby-
Stop saying it!
Oh, I thought Melvin meant...
I know... I thought the same thing once... but no. I mean, we're getting married aren't we?
So am I invited?
Of course! Next time we'll have to let Serena know you're here! How long are you staying?
Thanks for the coffee.. *Slurp* I don't know... I'm here until Gemini6Ice writes me off somehow... So basically, I'm here indefinitely.
And get out of that tuxedo, will ya? I mean, would it kill you to de-transform?
I wish I could... but this is the only picture that Gemini6Ice has of me... So I'm stuck as Tuxedo Mask...
Aw, that's too bad... Well, it's time to end this episode of "Amy and Melvin!" Bye everybody!
Join us tomorrow when our special guest is the Titanium Ranger, from "Power Rangers"!
Bye!
Melvin?
Yeah?
We don't air tomorrow.
Oh.
Are we still on! Turn off your computer already!
Fine... Sailor Mercury Says: Krispy Kreme doughnuts are good! Eat them! Happy now? Hopefully, you'll get paid for that advertisem-
Hey everybody! What's going-
Hi, Serena.
Darien!
Um, you dropped your mug Serena...
What are you doing here...
Gemini6Ice finally got a headshot of me, so I decided to come to America and visit you guys.
How long are you going to be here?
Didn't she read the sixth episode...?
Sorry, I haven't had a chance; I've been working long shifts at Halan's Heaven. I'll be right back...
Where did she go?
She left to go read the sixth episode. *Turns to you.* And this a perfect opportunity for you to read it as well!
So why are you wearing your costume?
Ah! So you didn't read it either! Go now, young teletubby!
Stop saying it!!!
Agh! Stay away from me! Get that egg-beater out of her hands! Help!
Good. Now she'll read the sixth episode while she's out.
Okay, you know how I broke up with Serena before Sailor Moon became Sailor Moon Says?
Yeah...
Uh-huh.
Well, I'm still in love with her. Will you two help me get her back!
Wouldn't you rather have her front?
Shut up, sweetie. Of course, Darien. You two will be so kawaii together!
Kawaii is a Japanese word close-meaning "cute" or "adorable."
Duh. What are you doing here, Raye?
I'm not in the mood to battle, today, Amy... I'm just going to watch "Beastmaster" on the T.V.
That's too bad, 'cause I'm sure in the mood!
Sweetheart?
Yeah?
Remember what Dr. Marlowe said? Take out your aggressions in a game of Quake...
Fine... I'll see you two later...
Okay, I'm back... I'm so glad you're back, Darien! I missed our friendship!
What about your relationship?
It's been three years, Melvin. We've both moved on, right Darien?
Yeah.
Besides, don't tell Lita, but I'm dating Halan now. We're going to go see a movie this Friday... Oh, I've got to go write in my diary! See you guys later!
There she goes into her room...
I can see that, Melvin.
Yeah, but the readers can't!
Oh.
Uh, Raye...?
What?
You didn't ask, "What readers!?!" like you usually do...
Hold on, I'm watching "Beastmaster"... What?
Nevermind!
What!?!
Maybe we should end this episode...
Sailor Mars Says: Dar is sooo hot!
This coffee shop is rather quaint.
Told ya so!
I don't see what you see in that show... It's just a muscleman who talks to animals saving the day!
Exactly!
Doesn't it bother you that the damsel in distress is always saved by him, rather than the other way around?
Not really. If it did, I'd be watching "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" or something to that effect.
Oh.
Hey, Raye! Hi... Darien!?!
Hi, girls. Long time, no see.
Hey! What happened to your Tuxedo?
Gemini6ice must have just found a civilian picture of me! Woohoo!
I don't see what that has to do with... nevermind...
She doesn't believe this realization of ours that we're just characters on a web site.
I kinda figured that, but thanks.
Well, we aren't!
Lita's here too; she's in the bathroom right now. What are you doing in America, Darien?
Sheesh, how many times do I have to tell you guys? Gemini6Ice finally found a picture of me as Tuxedo Mask. Then just a few minutes ago he found a picture of me as, well... me!
Hi! Mina, who's that guy? He looks like my old boyfriend!
Lita, you ditz! That's Darien! Y'know, Serena's boyfriend.
Well, not any-
Speaking of Serena, does she know that you're here yet?
Yeah, I talked to her a little while ago...
So, what's going on, guys?
There's nothing on tonight, so we decided to come down here and play a game of gin... Speaking of gin, GIN!
Rats! Foiled again!
You two wanna play?
How do you play with more than two people?
Hmm... we hadn't thought of that. In that case, get your own deck of cards...
Speaking of gin, I'm going to see if this place has started carrying it yet...
When did she turn into such a... lush?
Las Vegas.
What happened in Las Vegas?
Basically, Alan attacked us, Raye got drunk off her a-
-butt.
And Mina here became a teletubby after several bouts of amnesia.
Sounds like fun.
Well definately not as much fun as... GIN!
Argh!
I wonder how that date is going...
What date?
Um, ehrm, March 4th, 1967!
Oh it's going, going, gone!
Scene switch! Serena and Halan's date! Teeheehee!
Here, let me get that door for you!
Oh, thanks, Halan, that's so swwwaaaack!!!
Serena!!! Are you okay?
Yeah, but that curb won't be! Hold my purse while I kick it! Ow! My foot! You stupid curb! I hope you die, you stupid curb! Evil curb!! A plague on your house! On both your houses! The house of the left curb and the house of the right curb!
Um, why don't we go into the restaurant?
Okay. Wow! It smells so delicious in here!
Hi, may I get you two something to drink?
Carrot juice.
I'm sorry, we don't-
I thought you didn't like carrots...?
I don't.
Then why are you ordering carrot juice?
Why not?
It's made with carrots?
Eww, gross! Waitress, tell them to stop making my carrot juice please.
They aren't making it, ma'am.
Oh, you have it pre-made?
No, we don't have any.
But I wanted some!
But it's made with carrots!
Oh yeah! I forgot! Teeheehee!
Isn't she cute!?!?
Yes. Adorable. *Rolls eyes*
I guess I'll have a soda.
And I'll have plain ice-water, please.
Sure thing. What kind?
Of ice-water?
Of soda.
Umm... Coca-Cola, please!
Is that your finalanswer?
*Giggle*
That wasn't a joke. Your drinks will be with you shortly. Here are your menus.
Well... this is a nice place...
Yeah...
What now?
I'm bored.
You too?
Yeah.
What do you say we leave?
I've got your drinks!
Drink 'em yourself, rude person!
Yeah! We're leaving!
Hey! What about my tip?
Sailor Moon Says: Never tip a waitress that won't give you carrot juice!
But you didn't want carrot juice!
I didn't? Oh, yeah! I forgot again! Teeheehee!
Oh my gosh! It's so early! I hope I don't wake anybody-
Where have you been, young lady?!?
I was, um...
That's it! Go to your room!
No! You're not my mother! I don't care if you married Daddy! You're not Mommy!
Huh?
You're married already? I feel so...
Hurt?
Yeah!
Stay out of this, Raye! What are you talking about, Serena?
I lost track of time! Please don't ground me!
Well, where have you been? Melvin and I have been worried sick about you!
Well after the restaurant, we wound up in Central Park, then we took a wrong turn between a few trees and wound up in Japan...
If we had known it was that simple, we never would have taken that plane... Wait, who's we?
Remember, I had a date with Halan?
I don't think anyone told me about that... When is "Beastmaster" coming on?
Did you see Artemis...? I miss leaving him behind...
Well, it was really the coast of Japan, and we couldn't swim... Luckily, some surfers wound up saving our lives...
I'm not married!
Are too!
Are not! Am not! Something like that!
Are too!
Go on... Wait! Raye! Put that bottle down!
But *hic* I want more...
It's the phone! I'll get it! Oh, hi, Halan!
Hi, Serena! So did you enjoy Japan?
I wouldn't know; we were unconscious, remember?
Oh yeah.
Go to your room, Serena!
Why?
Why what?
For causing a rift in my relationship with Melvie-kins, that's why!
But I don't- Oh, wait! I've got a Playstation in there!
Oh yeah, and the cops confiscated your Playstation while you were in Japan.
They what!?!?! Moon, Crystal--
Don't you want to know why?
Oh yeah, why?
Apparently, your boy-toy Halan is involved in illegal overseas trading and the black market!
So Halan bought it for me illegally?
Bought what?
The Playstation.
What about the Playstation?
No, I bought it at K-mart!
That's what Halan bought illegally!
I just said I didn't!
No, he didn't!
I heard you the first time!
That's the first time I said it...
Hey, Melvin, you wanna watch "Beastmaster" with me?
Why?
I just thought you'd want to, that's all...
Shut up!
Not you!
Not me?
Who?
Melvin stole the cookies from the cookie jar...
Serena did it!
Hang up that phone!
Luna told me to!
Did not!
I gotta let you go Halan, bye!
Now, as I was saying, it was confiscated by the police because Crash Bandicoot was apparently sold to a private animal collector by Halan!
But Crash Bandicoot isn't real!
Well neither are we!
Yes we are!
No, we're not!
Then how come we get away with stealing?
A: that doesn't make any sense. B: we don't get away with it!
Serena does!
Serena, return whatever it is that you stole, and go to your room and think about what you've done...
Return it...? Check the bathroom...
Ewwwwwwwww....
Sailor Moon Says: Always flush the toilet after, well, you-know!
Here I am. Alone. In my room. Alone. I can't even play with my Playstation... Why? Because the police confiscated it! What am I supposed to do now? I'm bored out of my mind! I know! I'll write in my diary! Wait... I don't have a diary... Amy and Melvin locked me in my room... I'm grounded... Why? For going to Japan with Halan! It's not my fault! We didn't mean to! It was an accident! Just because I was out all night Amy thinks I did something inappropriate for this website, but I didn't! I was a good girl! Like any club owner at all could get to first base with me on the first date! Yeah right! Sheesh! Amy is so ridiculous! She is an overbearing parental figure! Wow, where did those ten-dollar words come from? Oh yeah... Everything I say is actually being typed out by Gemini6Ice rather than being typed out by me...Anyway, I miss Molly... At least *she* was nice to me! She wasn't trying to replace my parents! And she and Melvin were so cute together! Then Amy has to come warp speed through a chat room to replace Molly as the apple of Melvin's eye! I wonder if Melvin could have anything of his eye without his glasses... I don't think he could see without his glasses! That's it! I have to steal his glasses! Then while he and Amy look for them I can escape from my room! Woohoo! I've got a plan!Oh no... I can't get out of my room to steal that little nerd's glasses! I'm getting sick of this room! There's nothing to do! I don't have my video games anymore! I wanna play Sailor V! It's all Halan's fault! If he hadn't asked me out we wouldn't have gotten lost in Japan! If he hadn't ventured into the illegal pet trade industry, the police wouldn't have stolen my Sony Playstation! And I had all those incredibly cute see-through controllers too! This so unfair! I never get my way! Everybody else is always controlling my life! Especially that blue-haired monster, Amy! I'll get her back for this... But what can I do... I know! I won't come to her and her precious's wedding! Yeah! Instead, I'll um...Eat! I'll get something to eat! I haven't eaten in over a day! Oh, I'm so hungry... I'm dying from the hunger pains... Somebody help me... I'm dying... I'm dying... Now I'm dead. I'm deader than a knob on a door. Wait... Mina's supposed to be the one to screw up adages and idioms, not me... Oh well, who cares, for I am a dead Sailor Scout! I am the fallen hero that used to defend justice until a blue-headed menace murdered me by way of starvation! Oh, woe is me! Woe! Woe! Woe for the dead Serena! Shun that evil Amy! It's all her fault! Don't go to her wedding! Any of you! It should be in a few more episodes and I am telling you not to go! If you do, I will punish you, in the name of the moon! For although I am dead, I am a powerful Sailor Corpse! A hungry Sailor Corpse! Kill that evil Amy! She deserves to be as dead as I-
Dinner's ready! It's teriyaki chicken, Serena! You coming or not? We've been calling you for five minutes! Couldn't you hear us?
I'm coming! Sailor Moon Says: You had better go to her wedding!
| Back to Episodes 1 through 5 | Forward to Episodes 11 through 15 |