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Okay, everybody ready?
Halan! I can't belive you! This is our Christmas special episode! And we're spending it breaking into a police station!
Wow! Fall went by so quickly!
That's because Gemini6Ice has been busy!
What does that have to do with-
Nothing. Nevermind.
Everyone know their jobs?
Yeah.
I wanted Christmas dinner!
I wanted that big bird!
The turkey?
Of course! What else would I be talking about?
That scary yellow thing on Seasame Street! It's creepy!
I wanted to spend Christmas Eve with Amy...
I wanted, well, those of you who know what I've wanted all season long, that's what I wanted tonight.
What did you want? I don't know! Tell me!
Um, um... I wanted a PS2!
I think I have one of those...
Wow, you have everything I want...
I want some soup...
I want to make some soup!
Really?
Sure!
Thanks!
My pleasure!
I want everybody to shut up so that we can get in and out and go home!
Grinch.
I've almost got this door... open! Ack! Don't shoot!
It's the cops! They were waiting for us!
How'd they know that we were coming?
Uhh... You want my fingerprints? I'm a cat, you idiot!!
Ow! Stop shoving me around!
Do you think they'll strip search us?
Shut up.
Great! Just how I wanted to spend Christmas Eve! Carcassed in a jail cell!
I believe you mean "incarcerated."
Whatever... Don't we have at least one phone call...?
Shotgun!
Okay, dumbfart, I don't think that's the right use of the term. In this situation, that is.
You're just mad because you didn't call shotgun first!
I concur.
Who should I call?
Amy!
I mean, who else do we know, right?
Molly.
But we don't like her anymore, remember?
I do... I kinda miss her... That's it! My New Year's Resolution this year is to find Molly!
Now call Amy!
Don't bother.
Darling!
Don't 'darling' me, punk! You all ditched me! So I got revenge by narcing on you to the cops! However, I had a change of heart and decided to come get you guys!
But what about my animals?
I checked... They were sold at a police auction this morning!
For peanuts, no doubt!
I'm sorry, honey...
What a shame. *Smirks*
Now let's magically cut to an hour later, when we're all back at the penthouse, okay?
That's not physically possib- We're here! How...?
Okay everybody, I'd like to give you your presents early!
But before you do... I have some thought-provoking enigmas for everybody... Did we celebrate Christmas before coming to America? And why start just because we come to America? Are we even Christian? What are our religions, anyhow? Do we even know?
Well, Gemini6Ice has carefully avoided giving the answers to any of those questions to avoid the possibility of offending any of his readers.
So he's a sell-out?
Basically, yeah.
Open! Open! Open!
It's... the rabbit that you originally gave me Halan! Oh thank you Amy! Thank you Halan!
So that means... you bought all of my animals at the auction?
All except the croc. He's ugly and stupid, and I don't really like him.
My bandicoot! Thank you, Amy!
Yoshi the dinosaur!
Knuckles the some-word-I-can't-pronounce!
A goomba?
You're not worth an expensive animal.
Gee, thanks....
A pikachu!
I don't have hands can somebody- oh, thanks, Serena. A meowth! Wow, he's hunky!
I'm sorry, Halan, but I kept the blue hedgehog to myself!
Sailor Moon Says: Happy Chanukah! Happy Kwanzaa! Have a great Winter Solstice! Merry Christmas! Happy Halloween! If I left any holidays out, tell Gemini6Ice and I'll give you holiday wishes next time! And as a closing statement, Happy Holidays!!!
Hurry up! Hurry up! The party starts in... three minutes!
I'm hurry -ungh- ing!
You'll never move that couch by your self! I mean, do you think you're the sofa-
That's not appropriate, Serena!
The King of Sofas? Why is it so inappropriate? Because it has to do with the tarot deck?
It doesn't have to do with the tarot deck at all!
Raye has a deck... I'm gonna call her!
Hello?
Hi! Is Raye there?
Yeah?
May I speak to her please?
Okay.
Give the phone to Raye!
I am Raye! Who's this?
It's Serena!
*Sighs* What do you want?
You have a deck of tarot cards, right?
Yeah, why?
Will you please tell Luna about the king of sofas?
There is no king of sofas... You must be thinking of the king of swords...
Can you check?
I know the deck, Serena!
Yes there is! And Luna says it's inappropriate!
The king of sofas does not exist-
Ungh!
Help him, Serena!
I swear, Serena, you are so... Oh! I get why it's inappropriate! *Laughs* Did you happen to call the king of sofas the sofa-
Can you help us, Serena!?!
You hung up on my phone call!
Yes I did. Now get to work before the guests arrive!
Aww... They'll all come late, you know!
Not to my party they won't.
Well it's two after, so I guess nobody's coming at all.
Ha ha.
Help...
Oh great! See what you did Serena!
It's not my fault he dropped the couch on himself...
How did he even pick it up by himself?
Me...
There's somebody at the door! I'll get it!
I can't pick up this couch!
Halan!
Serena! *Smooch*
I missed you since Christmas!
Why haven't we spent any time together since then?
Well there haven't been any more episodes since then, duh!
Help...
Us...
How did they get their heads stuck under the couch?
That's what I would like to know.
Is my retainer under there?
You had a retainer?
I dropped it while watching Beastmaster with Raye one time... I didn't bother to pick it up because my teeth were already straight enough, though.
They're...
Perpendicular...
For those that don't know, perpendicular means intersecting at right angles.
Don't talk about my beautiful Serena like that! *Steps on the couch*
Owww...
Another guest!! Who is it this time? Lita!
Wow... This party's dead!
Must be the weather... The roads are pretty bad...
But we don't drive... And people driving here won't be included in the episodes, so it's nothing to worry about!
You...
Know...
What...
Else...
Is...
Dead?
Why are their feet sticking out from under the couch?
They appear to be getting farther and farther under the sofa.
Maybe it's the king of sofas claiming his revenge!
Serena...
If...
She...
Doesn't...
Help us...
Pick...
Up the...
Couch...
I'll get the door! Mina! I heard you got a job at the coffee shop downstairs!
Yeah, have you gotten a new job yet?
Yeah, didn't I tell you the other episode?
Gemini6Ice doesn't remember, so if you did, it's probably somewhere different now.
Actually, yeah. I'm a chef at Chez la Stupidname!
Really? I just love their Escargot a la Coolwhip!
I made that!
Totally cool!
Umm... Who are all these people?
Didn't you close the door?
Oops!
Hey you! Stop jumping on the couch!
My whole body hurts...
We've got to get out from under here!
How? It's so heavy! And the light keeps getting farther away!
Hey Serena!
Hi Darien!
You hung up on me!
No I didn't! Amy did!
Where is Amy?
Somewhere under the couch... I think she's befriending my retainer...
You should try the same.. Those on the left are starting to spiral...
Really? Oh no!
I think you're beautiful, Serena... Let's go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror so you can see how great they are...
I hate that low-life scum...
Well, I was reading Panther Beat the other day...
You read that teeny-bopper mag?
It has great pictures of Dar! *Drools* But my point is, there was an article about how, at midnight, if you're holding hands with the man, or in your case woman, that you love, you'll spend your life with them!
But how am I going to do that?
Get near her... When the counter on the T.V. hits "two" I'll turn off the lights. Grab her hand until everybody says "Happy New Year!" And that point, let go, and you'll spend your life with her.
What if Halan grabs her hand...?
Don't worry. I'll distract him.
Now to pick up this couch! They've been under there long enough...
You're scooting it, you idiot!
My glasses!
My retainer! Eww... they've got glass in them... There! Now pop out, you other one! There we go!
I don't think that's right, Serena...
My leg's stuck on something! I'm getting pulled out! Bye Amy!
Goodbye, my love!
Thank you so much, Halan!
It was nothing... Your foot got stuck on that giant gum tree over there!
Wow it's trashed in here! Where did all these people come from?
I can't close the door! They're coming in too quickly!
Venus, Crescent Beam, Smash!!
Great, now you just destroyed the door! Good going!
Sorry...
Let me repay you...
Um, that's okay, Melvin...
Just hear me out!
Fine...
I was reading Pa- Well, the title isn't important... But it said that if you hold hands with the woman you love at midnight, you'll be together forever!
Really?
So make sure you're holding hands with Serena at midnight! And I have a feeling someone else here might try the same... Raye and Darien are best friends, right? Well, I borrowed the magazine from Raye... Which means she probably read the same article! And I have a strong feeling that Darien still loves Serena!
How are we going to keep him from holding her hand?
At two to midnight, by the countdown, I'll turn off the lights! You grab her hand, and it's a done deal! Oh yeah, you gotta let go right after too... Because five seconds after midnight, if you're still holding hands with them, you'll break up.
Do you really believe this?
Hey, this magazine was right about Molly and I striking it rich in Las Vegas!
You're a great friend, Melvin!
Thanks!
The countdown's starting!!!
Is everybody here?
Somebody burnt the couch and I got out... With just a few first-degree burns...
Let's see... Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter... I'm here...
Amy's here, Mina's here, Raye's here, Lita's here...
I left my noisemaker in the kitchen! Come with me, Halan!
Halan's here... Melvin's here... Luna's here... Artemis is in Japan... I don't know where Molly went...
Can't you go by yourself?
C'mon!
Ouch! My wrist! Hey! I don't wanna go to the kitchen!
Darien, can I talk to you over by the front door, or where it used to be, please?
About what?
Something you said the other day...
What did I say?
I'll talk to you about it over there! C'mon!
Hey lemme go!
Hey! The lights went out!
What's going on? Should I use my Lightning Strike?
There are too many people here! You can't!
I don't like the dark...
I guess everybody is still counting down... Oh, Halan! Grabbing my hand in the dark like that! *Giggles*
Good, the lights are back on!
The Y2K bug was no trouble; nor was the Y2K+1 bug!
Halan? Where'd you go?
Raye, Melvin, and Darien are gone too...
Amy is beating up the party guests...
Are they guests if they came uninvited?
Sailor Moon Says: Then who was holding my hand?
Wow! It's been two-and-a-half months since the last episode of Sailor Moon Says!
We should have started a new season by now!
Well, Gemini6Ice didn't designate the last episode as a Season Finale, nor did he write an adequate number of episodes this season, so he decided to extend the duration of the third season.
Blahblahblah, we don't care. The readers, as well as me, are dying to-
"As well as I."
Whatever. We're dying to know who held my hand when the New Year began? Was it Halan? Was it Darien? Was it someone else?
You'll find out sometime in this episode, which we should start.
Okay. Scene-cut. I'm sitting alone on the couch watching T.V.
Hey Serena! Watching Beastmaster?
Just ended. Would you guys happen to know who held my hand at Amy's New Year's party?
Hasn't it been over two months?
And you still haven't figured it out?
Just ask Halan if it was him or not.
Didn't you originally think it was him, anyway?
Yeah, but why would he run off like that? And if it wasn't him, he'd go in a jealous rage, breaking my Dreamcast, when I tell him that someone held my hand.
I heard Dreamcast production and its games have been cancelled, so it doesn't really matter.
Shut up.
Where's Amy?
Buying Yamato pillows from Target.
And you're not jealous?
Of what?
Of her getting pillows.
Why should I be? I asked her to get them, genius.
What if...
What if... what?
What if Darien held my hand?
You think?
That would be so romantic like him, grabbing my hand and holding close to protect me from the dark...
You sound like you still have feelings for him...
I think I might.
Damn.
Melvin?
Sorry. *Turns to camera* See, since there haven't been any episodes since the New Year's party episode, Raye and I haven't found out who held Serena's hand either. So whoever it was, it's a surprise for us, too. And because Serena is developing feelings for him, Darien may have been the one to get her hand.
Who are you talking to, you idiot?
Nobody.
But I still care about Halan too!
*Giggle*
What was that? It sounded like it was coming from my room...
Serena!!
Halan! Lita! Why are you two KISSING in my room?!?
Did you even hold Serena's hand?
I accidentally held Lita's hand. But that's okay, because, she's... perfect!
I'm sorry, Serena.
I never meant to hurt you.
You didn't.
What does that mean?
If I loved you, you would have. I'm angry at you for cheating on me. I really am. But I'm not hurt; I'm in love with Darien.
Yes!! Hey, here's Darien!
That's right! Three people voted for me!
How many voted for me?
None.
Only three people voted?
Four.
Who got the fourth vote?
Melvin.
I think I'm gonna throw up...
No!
*Throws up*
This stinks.
No, you stink... Go take a shower and get that bile off of yourself!
Sailor Moon Says: Thanks for voting! (To the few that actually did!) Now Darien and I can be together forever!
Hey Mina!
Hi. Bye. Busy. Busy.
What's wrong with her?
None of the other waiters showed up today, so she's doing everybody's work!
Well that means she gets extra tips, right?
Well she's so busy that she keeps giving people the wrong orders... She gave the toothless man some biscotti!
That seems pretty gum- I mean dumb.
Horrible pun. So anyway-
Hey everyone!
Howdy.
Howdy?
Pardner.
*Laughs* Why are you talking like a Texan?
Actually, Gemini6Ice lives in Texas. They don't really talk that way, Raye. You've got something seriously wrong.
Fay Wray?
And King Kong.
Anyway, Darien here got these leather pants and now he thinks he's a cowboy. I really wish he'd take 'em off.
Right here?!?
'Scuse me. I've gotta go watah tha hoss.
Did he just say 'horse' or 'house'?
I'm not quite sure.
Does it matter? Either way, he's being a dumbfart.
Don't talk about my Dairy-poo that way!
Hey! I'm the reason you guys are together!
No, it was destiny, Raye! Not you! That's it! Darien!
Okay, what do you guys want?
I'll have a cherry white mocha espresso, two shots of vanilla, one dash of cinnamon.
I'll have a slice of carrot cake, please.
Serena?
I...
You what? I don't have all day!
*Singing*I've got a feeling! I've got a notion! I think I know that! Molly's across the ocean!
*Singing* Are you psychic? Don't scare us! Is she in Tokyo? Or maybe Paris?
*Singing quickly* This really stupid song is passing by too really long! Make it short, I beg! Lest I'm forced to bite your leg! Sing it short, sing it quick! I've got coffee to make and lick!
I don't wanna sing. And I hope you don't mean OUR coffee, Mina.
I will if you don't sing!
Go ahead.
Fine! I'll be back! Oh, by the way, I'll lick the carrot cake, too!
Drat! She foiled my evil plan!
I'm back.
Pack your bags, Darien!
I'm sorry! I won't be a cowboy anymore, I promise!
No, sillyhead! We're going to Paris for our honeymoon!
Honeymoon? But we're not even married!
Well we're going to Paris! Whether or not we get married first is up to you!
I'm coming too!
I'll stay here.
Here's everybody's orders!
A carrot shoved into chocolate cake? Ew! The carrot's slimy!
I licked it!
You don't say...
At least she got mine right! *Cough* This is mopwater!!!
Doug! Stop mopping! I think you're using a mocha!
I've got an idea! You wanna come with us to Paris?
Yeah, I need a break; let's go!
Yay! We're going to Paris! Bye Raye!
But I thought it was supposed to be our honeymoon... Why are they coming along?
Get a grip, Darien! It's not like we're married or anything, sheesh!
Sailor Venus Says: The real carrot cake? Raye's sitting on it!
Ew! You licked this one too!
*Cackle*
So why exactly are we wasting a whole episode by being on a plane? I mean, considering that new episodes of "Sailor Moon Says" are so infrequent to begin with. If we were to have a new episode every week, I might understand this waste of time...
By the way, readers, Gemini6Ice knows that Luna didn't decide to join us last episode, but I'd never leave the country without Luna! Also, four characters would make for a pretty boring trip, right?
I still don't see why they get to come along on our honeymoon...
Don't worry, Dairy-poo! When we get to the hotel, they'll all be in the conjoining room, not ours!
Whooey.
Whooey?
What's "whooey"?
I wonder who's running the coffee shop, now.
Probably Raye. *Cackles*
I'm glad I'm in your carry-on instead of in cargo this time, Serena.
Where are our seats?
According to these tickets,we're sitting in... football coach? Who wrote "football" on these tickets?
I was bored in the terminal; sorry.
I brought cookies, everybody!
Yay! Hey! Come back here, you fat lady!
I can't believe it! That obese woman just seized my snickerdoodles! And Serena's pursuing her through the cabin!
Let's find our seats already; I'm tired.
P-put-t yo-ou-ur b-ba-ag d-dowwwwwn, S-e-e-r-e-e-na!
Come back with my friend's delicious baked goods, you good-for-nothing, oversized, confectionary criminal!
Wow, she moves pretty fast for a person of her magnitude...
*Whew* I made it out of her bag... Wow, Amy would find the physics of the situation quite interesting...
*Yawns* I have an idea: Let's all sit in our seats, like me, and go to sleep.
Oh no! She's eating my snickerdoodles while running!
You act as if a large woman running with cookies is some sort of spectator sport!
Go Serena!! You can catch her!!
What? That woman behind us just called Serena a slow pig! That's it! These gloves are comin' OFF!
You're not wearing gloves, Lita. Would the whole plane please be quiet! I need some sleep!
They're on the runway! I can barely see them!
Oh, look! They're on the in-flight-movie-screen!
The big one is running at thirty-five miles-an-hour! Serena's at thirty-three... Four... Five... Six... She's gaining on her! Yes! Take her down!!!
Take this, you belligerent dummy! **POW!!** Ha!
Watch out! The other passengers are revolting!
Tell me about it! You guys are too, with all your incessant shouting!
Don't worry! I can take 'em down! **BANG!!** **WHAM!!**
Hey guys...
What's wrong, sweetie? You took her down! We're all very proud of you, honey!
Make up your mind; is she 'honey' or 'sweetie'?
Yeah, but she already ate all the cookies by the time I caught her... They're probably what slowed her down so I could catch her...
The plane's starting! Finally, everybody in their seats and quiet!
Is she still on the runway?
I think so; why?
Well the plane's speeding up... She's in the way... And we cannot have this kind of gratuitous gore on the show!
Fine... I'll take care of it...
Good.
Sailor Moon Says: Never steal a snickerdoodle!
That's not how I wanted you to take care of it...
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