Sailor Moon Says, Season 3: Episodes 21 Through 25

Welcome to Sailor Moon Says: Season 3! These are the brand-new episodes of your favorite loud-mouthed, disembodied characters! This page contains episodes twenty-one through twenty-five of this third season, so be prepared!
Starring...
Lita
Amy
Serena
Raye
Mina
Darien
Luna
Halan
Melvin


Episode 21: "Wasting Your Time"
Hi. We're here in America. Melvin, Raye, Halan, and I. Why? Well, our wonderful co-stars left the stupid country without us! So we're stuck here. Bored out of our minds! And I'm stuck running the stupid coffee shop! I miss Lita... *Sigh* I miss Napster... *Sigh* Melvin, we're smart enough to get our own MP3s! Without the use of any silly napster! I don't want to be here. It's not my fault; are ya gonna order somethin' or not? Gemini6Ice doesn't want to be here either. I mean, he doesn't feel like writing this right now... Here we go again! *Mockingly* We're not real! We're figments of Gemini6Ice's cyber-spastic imagination! Give me a break!! Yep, he's right. Gemini6Ice had to get up at six in the morning to take the SATs. He's very worried about his scores and won't be able to rest easy until he gets them back. What a waste of everybody's time! We're sitting around recalling the events of Gemini6Ice's day as a pathetic excuse for an episode! I'm gonna go make twelve cappuccinos... It's more fun than this conversation! Then the power went out during the math portion! He hopes the correct answer was the athlete playing soccer not the child learning to in-line skate! He had to work all afternoon, too! But he'll be getting more hours due to some circumstances concerning the status of a few of his co-workers. Then he'll have enough money for A-kon, the anime convention he'll be attending this June, on his birthday! Yay. Can we talk about something else now? Like what? Gemini6Ice can't think of any viable plot for us four measly characters! Can you? Three. Huh? Three measly characters. I'm embarrassed to be seen in public with you nutjobs! Where's the whipped cream? for( int characters = 9; characters>0 ; characters-- ) cout<<"Characters on show: "<<characters<<endl<<"Plotline: "<<(characters-characters); What? Nevermind. I feel nauseous. What's the expiration date on the milk you used for this cafe mocha, Raye? Uh... expiration date? When the milk the breathes out or something? This won't be pretty. BLLEARGHHH!!! Correction: This isn't pretty. It's downright disgusting! Gemini6Ice should be ashamed of himself for such crude attempts at humour! Humour? What are you, now, that mean lady on "Weakest Link"? Shut up, before I let you taste that stuff on the floor. I'm not cleaning it up! You're the only person working! Then the customers will have to step around it! Watch out, sir! Wow. Look at him slide. I'm hungry now. There are a few peas and carrots- ENOUGH!! This is downright disgusting! I'm ending this horrible excuse for an episode, now! Sailor Mercury Says: Never, I mean NEVER, write about character interaction with a puddle of regurgitated slop! You may stop reading now.
Originally aired: Sunday, May 6th, 2000


Episode 22: "That Awful Tower"
We're here! We had so many delays that it took us over a month to get from New York to Paris! That's ridiculous! So ridicule it already! That joke is so old, Lita. Oh, I didn't know; sorry. Now our romantic weekend can finally start... Ow! Stop biting me, freak! I wasn't biting you... I was nibbling on your ear! Whatever! I don't feel like being eaten, okay? Cranky from the flight, you think? Shut up. I guess blondes don't really have more fun; right, Luna? It's odd how they were more affected emotionally by the delays and switching planes... I wonder if it's the Negaverse at work! Shut up, Luna! We defeated the Negaverse a long time ago! They haven't attacked in over three years, and they only attack Tokyo, Japan for some odd reason! Aha! I have a thought! What? About Molly! We have to go to the Awful Tower! You mean the Eiffel Tower, Serena! Um, how'd we get here so quickly? And where are all of our bags? We skipped ahead... We already went to the fancy hotel and put our bags in our rooms! Serena emptied out the mini-fridge- -and my wallet in the process! They charge two bucks for a can of soda! What a rip off! I'll rip their heads off! Ew! Gross! Mina? What?!? Luna didn't finish the story. It's tomorrow already, and you and Serena got a good night's rest to sleep off your crankiness! You're no longer moody! Oh. I forgot. Now I remember! I really wish when Gemini6Ice cut to a later scene that he'd make the cut evident as well as update our memories at that time, instead of in the next scene! Darien! He's falling off this awful tower! Somebody catch him! Tsk-tsk. He never should have complained about Gemini6Ice! He has complete control over what happens! Whew! I caught a ledge! See, he just likes to think he has complete control! Oh no! The ledge vanished! He's falling again! My wonderful, nibbling Darien, please don't die! Somebody save him!! Hey, everybody! You saved my Dairy-poo! Thanks, Sailor V! No problem! Wait a minute! I was Sailor V! Take off your mask and show us who you are! Fine... *Gasps* Molly! So you've become the new Sailor V? To defend Paris against crime? Actually, I just wanted to eat some bon-bons, but Artemis found me and turned me into Sailor V! So my Sailor V gig was because of Artemis... not me? Right. I can't believe- whoa! Oh no! She fell off this awful Eiffel Tower too! Somebody save my buddy! Hero requested? You saved me, Artemis! Thank you! I've missed you so much! How did a cat catch and carry a teenage girl? When Molly is transformed, I'm her super-strengthed assistant, Kitty V! That's so cute! C'mon, everybody! Let's go back to the hotel! Sailor Moon Says: I hope they restocked the mini-fridge! I hope they didn't. All I have left in my wallet is a Pillsbury coupon for chocolate-chip cookies! We have to stop at a grocery store on the way back, Luna! *Drools*
Originally aired: Sunday, June 10th, 2001


Episode 23: "Morning Glory"
Serena... Serena... Serena! Wake up! I'm not a tea cup! Wow, she's violent when she's still asleep... I'll say... Darien landed in the next hotel room! Don't worry, readers! Darien went through the adjoining doors between the two rooms, which were open. Help! Molly! Oh no! The roll-away bed is rolling away! With Molly in it! I'm in my undies! Eeek! Please help m- Oh no! She rolled into the elevator! And it closed behind her! Let's take the stairs! Yeah! Serena, wake up! We've got to get in the airport in... what time is it, Luna? 12:55 Five minutes!!! I'll help! Uh-oh... Molly is transporting me... Molly! Get me out of this thing!! The elevator or the roll-away bed? Both! I'm not super-strength Kitty V until you transform into Sailor V! Well, I can't transform! I'm trapped in this cheap bed! Hey, we've reached the bottom floor! The elevator's going back up! To the stairs! Are you sure? Yes! *Huff* We're catching up to the elevator! *Puff* The door's opening! Yes! I made it in before the door closed! Molly? Get out of there! You're in the wrong elevator! ((In the OTHER elevator)) Artemis, jump up and hit the 17th floor button! Ouch! Wrong button! We're going back down! Try again! Up again! Down again! ((In the OTHER elevator)) STOP! Hm, the stop button seems to have cut off the power to this elevator. I'll get out through the escape hatch! Hey, there's the other elevator!! It's going up! And down! And up! And down! And up! Okay, if I jump at the right time, I can land on top of it! What was that noise? Molly, is that you in there? Mina? Yeah... I mis-timed my jump... I'm kind of stuck to the side of your elevator... The door's opening! Bye, Mina! Gosh, where does that roll-away bed get all of its kinetic energy? Look at it go! Watch out!!! Yeagh! Cheescake? Oomph! You knocked Serena out the window! That is true, but the impact has turned my roll-away bed into an immovable block of cotton and steel! I'm safe! But still stuck inside... Sailor Venus's Crescent-beam Smash should work to free you... But she's already smashed! I thought only Raye got drunk... No! She's stuck to the side of the elevator car... Yep, in this episode, she got the shaft. What about Serena? Don't worry. She's an airhead. As long as she doesn't wake up, she'll float down to the ground slowly enough that she won't be hurt! And if my sweetie-pie does wake up?!? Let's hope she can sleep a little bit longer... Just four more floors until she reaches the ground... Hey! What's all the racket?!? I was having a great dream about a giant rice ball... Wait a minute... Sailor Moon Says: Oh no! I think I'm falling. That's a big hole in the ground... You think she's in pain? I don't think she's conscious anymore... We won't make our flight, will we?
Originally aired: Sunday, June 24th, 2001


Episode 24: "Chess Press"
Will we make this flight? We have two hours until the scheduled take-off time! We should make it. Hurry up, everybody! We only have thirty minutes left! But I just got un-peeled from the elevator a few hours ago... I'm still in pain! Why did you lie to them, Darien? If we get there in thirty-five minutes, we definitely won't miss the flight! When they all beat you to a bloody pulp, remember, it was your doing. I'm too hot and sexy to be beaten to a bloody pulp. Have you read "Ayashi no Ceres?" No, why? Nevermind. I'll call a taxi! Taxi! Are they called taxis in France? I'm not sure. You've been living here, how long?!? I don't know. What's the capital of France? Income? Ah, Serena got a taxi! I'll go over there... Will we all fit in here? We will if we put you in the trunk with the luggage! Hey! Let go! It's dark in here... I'm scared... You are such a crybaby! Don't you mean "scaredy-cat?" I don't make pathetic cat puns every two minutes; I'm not Gatomon. I need to go to the bathroom... Let me out of here!!! Will they be okay in there? As long as the luggage doesn't slide around too much... Of course. Why don't we take two cabs? Well, I had to pay for two mini-fridges, two sets of airline tickets, thanks to the wasted first set, *Coughs* Molly *Finishes coughing*. So, I really don't have much money left. And I spent all of my money on souveniers for our friends back home! I got Amy a pure-lead chess set! Isn't that pretty heavy? I guess... The bellboy carried it for me! He said I was... something French that I couldn't understand. But it sounded like he thought I was pretty! Was this before or after you didn't tip him? I'm supposed to tip him? No wonder he refused to go back to my room to get the itsy-bitsy shampoo for me! Is everyone in? I'm here! Me too! I can't find a seat belt! But I have two buckles! I'm here, with two seat belts. You wanna trade? I'm here too. Hey! My buckle just disappeared! Give it back, Mina! Can you take us to the airport, please! Thanks! I didn't take it! Give me back my extra seat belt! I didn't take it. *Snicker* Why are you stealing their seat belts? Well, I realized that we could get to them through this part of the trunk that goes under their seat, and we could buckle in the suitcases to keep ourselves safe! Oh, great idea! But we don't have fingers... I'd better help you. You've got the buckle? I'm on the way with the belt. Keep biting! Whee! Driving with my face against the window is so much fun! Hey, we're approaching a big curve! The suitcase is sliding! I can't stop it! It's too heavy! It feels like it's made of lead or something! Ack! Luna? Luna!!! Those cats are noisy. I agree. Cats? My poor Luna has become a pancake! Oh, the tragedy! Hey, we're approaching another big curve! Stay away from me, you evil suitcase! Noooooo!!!!!!!! Finally. They shut up. Yeah, it was getting annoying. Are we there yet? We've been driving for three minutes! This glass tastes like cherries! This is boring... I agree. Where are we going, again? Can we end the episode yet? Can I do it, please?!? Hmmm... I have some pieces of bed stuck in my ha- Sailor Venus Says? Sure, go ahead! Thanks! Sailor Venus Says: Before getting into a cab, make sure its prices are fare! That was corny. I agree. Can I have some popcorn, too, please?
Originally aired: Sunday, July 1st, 2001


Episode 25: "Terminally Ill"
When is their flight supposed to arrive, again? Five more minutes, my darling. Why are we even meeting them in the terminal? Are they too good to come to the coffee shop? Speaking of... who's running the place while you're up here? I gave a waitressing job to some homeless lady... I figured she could use the cash. So she has the keys? Of course. How do you know she won't rob the place? I don't. But if she does, I'll kick her butt! Hm, we could use the wait to play my new game, "Unexploded Cow," but I doubt we'll finish before their plane arrives. I'll check for delays. Oh! The plane just pulled up! Watch out, Melvin! Ouch- heavy- exiting- passengers- stepping- on- me! Look what I made! Wow, those origami cats look great, Mina! Thanks! Where'd you find origami paper on the plane? I used Luna and Artemis! After you bend them a few times, these guardian cats become quite pliable! Lita! Halan! Thanks for greeting me, Halan. So how was the trip, Lita? Fine! I'll go buy some overpriced fast food! I'm joining you; this terminal is annoying me. So how did everything go managing the coffee shop for me? That's odd.. I remember that before you went to Paris you were only a waitress... But everyone quit! So I became manager and the only employee. So how did doing my job go? It calmed down after you left. I think you turned off a lot of customers because you kept giving the wrong orders. Like you're doing so much better! Wait, if you're here... Who's running the coffee shop? This lady... that I know. Ah... *Turns* I'll have a sundae please... Twenty-three, fifty-seven?!?! Can I handle this? Promise to neither kill him nor put him in a coma? Scout's honor! But you're not a girl scout... I meant sailor scout! I need... bandages... Melvin! What happened to you! I'm bleeding to death! Aw, I hope it's not terminal! I hope it is. Molly? That's Sailor V to you! Leave Melvin alone! Just because he doesn't find your disgusting self attractive anymore is no reason to berate him while he's flailing on the threshold between life and death! You mean person, you! *Runs away* Molly, come back! It took us forever to find you! Oh, Amy, Serena got you a present! Really? Yeah, a chess set! Here, catch! Ack! I can't move! Why's it so heavy? It's pure lead. We didn't like it either. How did the plane take off with that on it? Shut up and keep making out with me. Uh oh... A two-dimensional cow carrying a nuclear warhead is heading toward the horizontal, conveyer-belt / escalator-thing! Oh no! If it doesn't blow up in France, I'll lose money! And I'm trapped under this chess set! Melvin, stop that mad cow! I feel dizzy... Hm, he passed out... This could account for the failure of bloodletting as a continuing medicinal trend. Raye! Stop taking a cudgle to the teenage ice-cream scooper and look at that! What is it...? It looks like a cow... A small cow. It's trying to eat a bomb! Run! Guys, we've got to get out of here! Why? What's going on! A miniature cow is attempting to digest a bomb! It's a nuclear warhead! Oh no! Let's go! Could somebody unfold us? Hey, guys! Raye! Mina! Darien! Cats-folded-in-the-shape-of-cats! Melvin? Are you awake yet? Molly! Let me go! Let me go! We did not track you down across the world just to have you run away again! Don't let Amy get to you! She's quite mean when Gemini6Ice is writing. I guess you're right... Hey, what's that sound? What? Sshhh! ... It sounds like someone mooing...?
Boom!
Oh no! The airport is falling down on top of me! Look, there's Amy! She appears to be falling towards us. I can't believe I get to say this: Duh! What happened? Why is the airport blowing up?!? Small cow with warhead! Well, now that we're all trapped under a massively large amount of rubble and nuclear radiation, should I end the show? Yes. Yay! You guys are finally getting along! Sailor Moon Says: Do not eat nuclear warheads or any other explosive device! In addition to indigestion, they also blow up everything.
Originally aired: Sunday, July 15th, 2000

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