Sailor Moon Says, Season 3: Episodes 41 Through 45

Welcome to Sailor Moon Says: Season 3! These are the brand-new episodes of your favorite loud-mouthed, disembodied characters! This page will contain episodes thirty-six through forty of this third season, so be prepared!
Starring...
Lita
Amy
Serena
Raye
Mina
Dar
Melvin
Ellie
Molly
Halan
Luna
Artemis


Episode 41: "A Midsummer Morning's Coffee"
Phew! That's the last of the applicants! Now I just have to make a decision as to who I'm hiring! Whom. Aren't you Molly's guardian cat now? Bah, she's been missing for a week now! But I thought I saw her as I was interviewing applicants... Yeah, you've been doing that for a week now. A week meaning since last episode? Or for a real week? Both. Wow. No wonder I'm so hungry. Drats! I can't get any food until I hire a waiter or waitress to bring it to me! That's not important! What's important is that you understand the difference between "who" and "whom." Oh, I already know. You do? Yeah. An "m." I'm not the kind to claw, but- Yeah, yeah, shut up. I've got to hire some people. This guy impressed me. He's hired. These two girls. No, not this one. Why not? He spat in his hand before shaking mine! How'd you know? I saw him do it! And you still shook his hand? I'm blonde! Yeah, so what? I'm blonde too! Ugh, when is everyone else going to show up? Hey Mina! Lita! Right on cue! Aren't I always? Hey, um, maybe you should get some sleep... Why? Because the last time you went to bed was about... five episodes ago? Pshaw. I don't need no stinkin' sleep. You do need a course in remedial English, however. Like, with knights and kings and queens and jacks? Are you talking about the middle ages or a deck of cards? Remedial England! I think you mean "Medieval England," Mina... Back to hiring people!! It's almost dawn! I use palmolive on my dishes! Is this what happens when we have an episode without Serena? Pretty much. Where is she, anyway? The last time I saw her, she was stuck in the window of a subway car... Whee!!! Were we supposed to hear that? I don't think so... Oh, in that case... And you didn't help her out?!? But the Beastmaster was there! Uhh... In a loincloth! Uhh... Ah! There you two are! You know what to do! Now get to work! Um, Artemis...? Yeah? Who is she talking to? Whom. Just answer my question and skip the grammar lesson. It is my job as a guardian cat to guide you in life, as well as linguistics! But you're not my guardian cat! You're Mina's! No, he's Molly's! Nobody wants me... Hey there, handsome. Luna! You can be my guardian kitty. Mrow! Um, you never answered my question! Oh, before you got here, she hired a few waiters and waitresses. They just showed up for work, and now she's telling them what to do. Uh... And the tables are turned! What are you talking about? I was saying "Uhhh..." when Lita was rambling about the Beastmaster or something like that, earlier. Yeah, he was hot. Oh... But he's no catnip! Like you! I thought you didn't engage in bad feline puns. I usually don't. Gemini6Ice must be desperate for dialogue. But, then... Why don't I see the waiters and waitresses? Silly! Gemini6Ice isn't going to bother to include the heads of one-shot charcters (aside from guest stars)! Look through your eyes, not those of the reader, and you'll see them! Ugh! This is harder than a "Magic Eye"! Magic Eye...? Stereogram. Ah. Those humans and their lingo! There. Now they're going about their business in my lovely bistro! Things are going great! You look really tired... Are the circles back? A little. Where's my makeup? Here we go! Bye, you two! We're off! Learn your "who" and "whom" while we're gone! Bye Luna! Bye Artemis! Bye! I'd wave, but this application is very delicate... How many layers of that have you put on your eyes? The eyeshadow? None! No, the highlight powder, the stuff you're putting on right now! I think I'm up to seventy-three now... Maybe seventy-four. I love mornings... They're so peaceful. That came out of nowhere. Yeah, it kinda did. Henry! Bring me an espresso-mocha! Just go to bed! Once everything is done. I'll just drink this coffee, make sure everything is running smoothly, and then I'll run home and sleep. Thanks, Henry. I don't think so. Hey! Give me back my coffee! This is for your own good! No! I need... it... I'm almost out of energy... Yes, you need to sleep. And besides, this is so yummy! *Slurp* That's my coffee! I'd... grab it back... if I could reach. But I'm so... ZZZzzzZZZzzz... Mmm.. I'm back, baby! Ah! The elephant! I don't believe we've met... Yes, I believe you're right. I'm Ellie, the magical elephant. I'm Lita. Oh! Watch out! Eep! There are so many metal chairs out here! How am I to ever navigate this labyrinth of outdoor café furnishings? Uhh... I'm stuck. Oh, here... Ergh... Let me... just move these out of- *Grunt* the way! Thanks! You're a real dear! It was nice meeting you!! You too, Lita! Bye! Hmm... I'm the only one left... ZZZzzzZZZzzz... -that's conscious. I guess I should end the episode now... Sailor Jupiter Says: Sleep! Uh, this is where somebody goes "That's it?" and more conversation follows... Oh, yeah. Nobody else is here. Yeah... Henry, get me another one of these!
Originally aired: Sunday, July 21st, 2002


Episode 42: "Stalagfight"
I'm bored. You're always bored. I am not! You are too! Hey guys! Maybe she'll alleviate your boredom, Melvin! I just stopped by to let you guys know that Mina's café is open now! Why didn't Mina tell us? She's asleep. I already did that. Huh? Nevermind. *Gasp* Hey... *Pant* guys... Serena! Serena! You look really skinny... I've been stuck on a subway for three weeks with nothing to eat! Physiologically, you should be dead by now, then. You want me dead?!? *Sniffles* That's not what I said. So how'd you get out of the window? After I lost enough weight, I was able to free myself from the subway window. Where's Molly? We haven't seen her since you all left for the subway... Does this mean I've lost Molly and Darien?!? What do you mean, "you lost Darien"? Well, after I got out of the subway, I stopped by his apartment... I thought he had a house... I thought he had an apartment... I think he has both. But, anyway, he wasn't there. I haven't heard from him in over three months! Do you think... Serena? Think?!? Yeah, Amy has a good point. What if the Beastmaster really used to be Darien?!? Could it be...? Beastmaster? When we announced that an episode was "to be continued." Ah. I've got to return him to normal, then! But how will we find him? Amy! Use your Chill-Wave-Trace thing! That's the Sailor Mercury in the Sailor Sun Saga, not me. Oh. Drats! To the rooftops! Huh? What? Step in time! Melvin? Yeah, honey? Shut up. Okay. If we look from the rooftop, all over New York, we're sure to see the Beastmaster! How will we know if it's him? I'm sure Raye has him running around half-naked fighting crime! Probably. Mmmm... Hey! Is this the way to the rooftop? Yeah, but don't forget that everything is turned- Yipes! Well, this definitely violates the laws of gravity! "Sailor Moon Says" always does. Good point! What? Why is the rooftop underground?!? We can't find Darien-slash-Beastmaster this way! Look at those pretty things hanging below us! Stalactites. No, dearie, we're upside-down; that means that they aren't hanging, but growing: they're stalagmites! You're both up-tights. That was almost clever, Serena! Really?!? Thanks, Lita! What's that red dot running between the the stalagmites up there ? Look! A bunch of brown and grey ones are following it! Help me!! Omigosh! It's Molly! The readers have already figured that out, Serena... Molly! Serena! Oh, great! I'm falling! But it looks like you're flying! Don't land on me! Oops. Sorry, Molly! Oh no! The mole-people! I like hamster-people better; they're much cuter! Run!!! I'm running! I'm running! So the yellow dot is Serena? Right. The grey and brown one smust be the mole-people. Which ones are the hamster-people? *Sighs* I'm going back to the penthouse... Am I coming too? Of course. We need to mail out the invitations. Invitations...? For what? Um... Nothing! Does she know? Shut up! I think they're keeping something from me... I hate running!! I'm so tired!! I wanna go to bed!! Waaaaaahhhh.... Stop crying, Serena! Your wailing is echoing! The spikey things are falling! Oh, look! The mole people are going with them! We're safe!! And I didn't have to turn into Sailor Moon this time! I don't know what to say... Okay, so everything is on this table... Eeek!! Did... a big, sharp rock just come through our ceiling? Maybe it came through the floor...? Yeah, that would make more sense. I think it's a stalagmite! Stupid underground caverns! Let's go back home; I'm so tired! I am too! Sailor Moon Says: Try your best to befriend hamster-people; they'll come in handy whenever you're next stuck underground, chased by mole people! Teeheehee!
Originally aired: Sunday, August 4th, 2002


Episode 43: "To Save the Day"
It's been over a month! I must get Darien back! I'll help you out! What a contrived idea for an episode... True. The funny episodes are always those written with Gemini6Ice's having no idea as to where he's going. Ah, so you believe that the funniest episodes are those written impromptu? Precisely. And those written with a plot in mind are usually drab. Should we let them get back to the actual plot, now? The drab one? Right. Well, we still need to figure out how to remove this stalagmite that has pierced our floor... CLR? Yes, they are made of lime deposits, aren't they?!? Off to the corner drugstore! Back to me! How will we combat Raye, the woman who turns boyfriends into bestmasters? We need more help! Serena saved me from the mole-people! It's now my duty to save Darien from his being brainwashed! This is so cheesy... (Yes, this is a side comment. You guys can't hear me.) I thought that Raye didn't beelieve in our fictionality? I said that you couldn't hear me! Oh, I'm sorry. i don't think I heard you say that. Which means you did. Um... Nevermind. What about Mina? I think that she might still be sleeping... Wait! I haven't seen Ellie since she came back to life! She's still sleeping? She's been sleeping for over a month, then! Perhaps she's become Sleeping Beauty? It's always the other blonde that gets my life-long dreams... What did I get? My miso soup! Oh. Heh. That was some good stuff. Wait, Molly, how did you know that Ellie came back to life already? This conversation has become so... disjointed. Yes. All the dialogue crossing over one another makes understanding the situation quite complicated. And yet we're contributing to this chaos? I suppose because we should be unaware of it? Perhaps. Before she passed away- I have to save the day! -she said that she'd come back. Raye might have the knack... And it's been due time- Can I make this rhyme? -she must have no returned. I'll make that girl burn!! Who? Raye? Whom. What? Whom not who. Whom not who? Ooo-ooo-ooh! Will she save the day? Will Ellie come and play? I'll really punish Raye!! Be- -cause it's the cause... (I'll uphold the laws...) There's no time to pout! When you live the life... This is the life... I'm living the life... They've finally learned the life... Of a... Sailor... Scout!!! There's no room for gloom... Because she is the one... Saa-ailor... Mooo-ooo-ooon!!! Okay. Now that we've finished our big musical number, are you prepared to save your boyfriend? I'm ready to do whatever it takes! Darien will be Darien again! Is this a good place to end this episode...? I think so... Sailor Jupiter Says: A good company song needs at least four participants. To be continued? Yes, to be continued... Ne-ext... wee-eee-eek! Stop that.
Originally aired: Sunday, September 15th, 2002


Episode 44: "Gotta Have My Pops"
Ack! I'm late! Bye, honey! Bye, weetie-pie! Have fun! *Yawn* Where's she going? What are you doing up so early? We're saving Darien today, you dolt! Um, weren't you intending on doing that a month ago? Yeah, but this is the first episode since then. So there. Where are my Corn Pops...? Corn Pops...? Oh no! Did she eat my Corn Pops? I gotta have my Pops! That is so three years ago, Melvin! Now answer my question! And what question would that be, exactly? Where did Amy go? Out the front door. Didn't you see? And where was she going...? Where are my Corn Pops?!? Molly! Uh-muh-muh? What are you eating, you red-headed fiend? Run!! Muh-buh-phum? Lock the door! *Knocking* Let me in! I know you have my Pops! I gotta have my Pops! Those crispy, delicious- Swallow. I need to talk to you. *Gulp* What's up? What's Melvin so peeved about? His Corn Pops. Apparently, he eats them for breakfast every day. Maybe we should have picked another cereal to munch on last night. Right. And I was just finishing off the box. Hide it! You can't let him find you with it! He'll tear your red hair from your head! Ouch. Also, where was Amy heading off to? Where've you been for the last month? I really don't know. She's continuing her college education! Oh! So she's a wild college girl now? Amy? Wild? Not wild, but maybe mad. She's crazy. She's great. Corn Pops!!! He's so annoying. I miss him. Maybe... I could get him back with Corn Pops...? First we fix Darien! Then we can worry about your love life. Corn Pops!!! Yikes! Did... a giant metal spike just come through our door? I think so. Where did it come from? Corn Pops!!! Melvin. Hey, guys! I'm here! Are you ready to save- Corn Pops!!! Melvin, what's wrong with you? Did you just shove a metal spike into Serena's door? Yes. Why? I gotta have my Pops. And shoving a metal spike into Serena's door is gonna get you your Pops? And what in the heck are you talking about? Corn Pops. Ugh. Dangit, Melvin, the door's jammed now! We have a brainwashed hunk to save! *Munch* No, you're right... And where did you get a giant metal spike, anyway? The living room. And how did it get there...? Well, it was a stalagmite, and Amy and I used CLR on it- Oh, that's right! Stalagmites are made of lime, aren't they? What a great idea! Well, this stalagmite wasn't. It had a steel core. How strange. This leads me to believe that the entire city of New York is, in fact, built on artificial land. Yes, but that's a plot for another episode, isn't it? You're right. So, for now, shall we focus on- Corn Pops!!! *Sigh* Boys have such one-track minds... Lita, could you get us out of here, please? I can't get the metal spike out. It's stuck! Can you get out through the window? The fire escape! Exactly! Corn Pops!!! Melvin, you've already made such a mess here. Could you please just shut up? Sorry... Won't work. What? Why not? Just look. Oh. What? Never take fire escapes for granite. What? Did they fall off or something? No, we're underground now; there's just solid rock outside! I'm having trouble breathing... You're not claustrophobic! How would you know?!? Remember the time we got stuck in the elevator...? Not really. Well, you were fine. So I'm not claustrophobic? Nope. Whew, what a relief! I was really afraid of being afraid of air-tight places! We have air vents. Melvin, would you take that metal spike out of the door, now? Gimmie my Pops, first!!! *Sigh* Do you two have his Corn Pops?!? Umm... no! Wuh-uh! Fine! I'll go to the nearest store and buy some Corn Pops! You two hold tight! You wanna hold tight to me? Not really, you? Nah. Cool. Back. Wow. That was quick. I sprinted. Then why aren't you panting? Oh yeah, thanks. *Pants* Much better. *Pants* Here you go, Melvin! Corn Pops!!! Will you move the giant metal spike now, please? Why couldn't you just move the spike, Lita? I tried. Melvin must have the magic touch, I guess. Amy says the same thing. Eww... *Ugh* Where do I put it? I don't care. We're free!!! Can we get going now? I'm still in my pajamas. We'd better get out of here before he finishes that box of Pops! Gotta have my Pops... Okay. Done changing. So where do we start...? By ending the episode? So we'll save him next time? Right. Fine... Sailor Moon Says: When you stay up late watching movies, don't eat Corn Pops! Eat Boo-Berry instead! And off we go... Here we go... We're going... To save the day!!!
Originally aired: Sunday, November 10th, 2002



Episode 45: "Emoluphantation"
Okay, this is it. Are you guys ready? Sure thing. Jupiter, Star, Power!! Oh no... Moon, Crystal, Star, Prism, Power!! This sucks. What's wrong with you? Hurry up and transform! I need Artemis to do it! Well, where is he? I don't know! Who's my daddy kitty? Mrorw! Oh... Wait! I have an idea! It had better be a good one... We're running out of time to save Darien! We are?!? Yeah! If he's still Dar at the anniversary of the Sailor Sun Fan Fictionb Web Site, then he'll remain Dar forever! In that case, it had better be a good idea, Molly! Help! I need somebody! And then I said-- Hark! I hear something, Mina! You always hear things when we have tea... So do you. No I don't! I just see things! It's the lack of caffeine! Help! Not just anybody! It's Molly! She's in trouble! Hey! Where are you going--eep!--where are we going? You know, you really didn't have to magically make me appear on your back. It's my prerogative as a magical elephant. Ellie! What's the trouble, Molly? You ruined our tea time... We're about to bust into Raye's apartment-- It seems too scary to be an apartment. Lair? But what about the turrets? Fortress? Yeah, that works... I'm satisfied. How did she build a giant fortress in the middle of New York?!? Don't think too much about it; you're blonde. Oh, yeah. I always forget about that! It must come from being blonde! Teeheehee! Gemini6Ice is going to get letters now... Probably. Mina, will you help us! Will we have tea afterwards? Of course. *Sigh* Fine... Venus, Star, Power!! Molly? Yeah? How does this solve your problem? Watch this! Ready, Ellie? Do we have to...? It's to save Darien from the evil Raye! But... it's embarrassing!! We practiced it for four hours! Fine... Mollify! Elephy! Emoluphantation!! Whoa. Weird. Ew. What do you think? Ew. Weird. Whoa. That's it?!? What can you do? Trunk attack!! Apparently she/it/they can say, "trunk attack." Look at the front door of Raye's fortress. Oh my! My tiara is... um... some word... Obsolete. No, um... not useful anymore! Even I see the irony in this dialogue! Now let's go save Darien! Yeah, my queen, you like your daddy, don't you?!? Oh my gosh! My eyes! What?!? They're just playing Twister, you guys! Leave! Can we play too? No! Psst... we came to save your boyfriend, remember? But they're playing twister! Are we the only ones that notice that they're naked?!? Omigosh!! I didn't realize that earlier! My eyes!! Raye, where's my loincloth-- ouch!! You don't get to get dressed until i say you can get dressed! Moon, Healing-- Watch out! She's throwing the spinner! Ack! You saved me! Oh no... What? We've absorbed the spinner!! Right foot on yellow! Which foot? Front! They're going crazy! It's a stampede! ... ... ... ... What?!? There's only one elephant-slash-Molly. We need more for a stampede. Don't step on me! Duck, my queen! We can't stop! Trunk on blue! Go back to normal! We didn't practice that part! We just fell asleep last time! Left back leg on green! I can't keep dodging these large feet!! Yeah, well, um, that's what you get, you villainess! Ouch! What was that for?!? Save me! Now's your chance, Serena! Moon, healing, Activation!! I... feel... the... light... No! My fortress is crumbling! Healing Darien is making her fortress crumble? No! It's this stupid elephant playing twister! We can't stop! I'm so tired... You're you again! And naked, too! zzzZZZzzzZZZ... Try healing Molly-elephant-thing! But Darien's naked... Gah! Gimmie that! Jupiter, Dichotomization!! Is that even a word? Well, we did say "Emoluphantation" earlier... Ouch! I have such a headache now... I'm never letting you talk me into that again! Guys! The place is falling apart! We have to get out of here!! What about me?!? Find your own way out! Can we just skip the whole running scene? I don't see why not. Whew! We're safe! Everyone accounted for? Mina? I'm here! Lita? My name is Lita. I like to cook. I don't even need. To use a book. Nah-nah-boochie, roll call! Serena? Hello? I love my Darien... ZZzzZZzzZZzz... Can we do it again if I figure out how to separate us first? No! Ellie is running away! Sailor Jupiter Says: Everything turned out all right in the end. I wonder what happened to Raye? Hey! can anybody hear me? It's cold down here! Where are my clothes! I see eyes! I'm scared! Who are you! Mole people!!! Can we go on to the plot of New York being artificially constructed next week, please? Yeah, whatever, but i think Lita's trying to end the episode now... Yeah, i thought I did. I'm sorry. Whatever. Sailor Jupiter Says: When the episode ends, it ends! Don't say anything more!! Teeheehee! Shut up!!
Originally aired: Sunday, November 24th, 2002


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