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There. We're done.
That's a relief. What now?
We don't have a long period of time until the wedding, now!
Although we've been planning this thing for over a year now...
Yes! But now we've set a date and we've sent out the invitations!
Did you invite Serena and Molly, too?
Of course.
isn't that a waste of postage? I mean, they are in the same apartment as we are.
Melvin.
What?
Go pick out your tux and what you want the groomsmen and the best man to wear.
The groomsmen? But we don't know that many guys! We only know Darien and Halan!
Fine. Groomsman and best man.
Traditions suck.
Go! I need to get a dress!
How will I ever decide... It's not as if they'd both show up at the same time and I could make them duke it out...
Hey! Is Serena here?
I have no excuse to be here!
Oh joy. Come with me, you two.
Where are we going? I wanted to see Serena!
Well, she's not here! Get over it. Okay, what's your objection?
Eh. I'm complacent.
Here's the deal: Amy and I are going to have a wedding soon.
When?
Soon.
Have you set a date yet?
Yes.
What is it?
I'm not telling. If I do, then Gemini6Ice will be forced to write it for that date. If I corner him like that, he'll be likely to screw up the wedding out of spite.
Ah.
Oh.
Ting-tang...
Walla-walla...
Why are you staring at me?!?
Say, "Bing-bang"!
And I need to pick a best man. Are either of you interested?
Not particularly... I heard that you wanted to help Halan get Serena at that New Year's party.
Yeah! But I accidentally held Lita's instead! Thanks to Raye!
Raye is evil...
Oh. Anyway. Yeah, I'm not too interested in being your best man either.
But I need a best man! If you're not the best man, you'll have to be the groomsman!
Would we... have to groom you?!?
I'm not too sure... I'll have to ask Amy about that.
Fine. Paper-rock-scissors?
You're on!
One... two... three... Ha!
Hey! But I won! Why are you 'ha'ing?!?
You won. So you get to be the best man!
No! I won! That means I get to not be the best man!
That's it! You're going down!
I think those stairs lead up, actually...
Ouch! I'm falling up the stairs! I hate this apartment building!
Halan! What a pleasant surprise!
You seem to have fallen in on our tea time.
An elephant that drinks tea...? Could I have a cup, please?
Why, certainly, you handsome man, you.
Aw, shucks...
Would you like sugar?
No, thank you. This is quite fine. I'm going to go wait for the elevator now.
And then I said--
Ha! Take this--
Huh?
...tea?
Ouch! You've scalded my face!!
I'm gonna get you!
Why didn't you take the elevator?
Um? I didn't think of it?
Great.
Wasn't I in the middle of kicking your butt?
You mean trying to!
Well, prepare your butt for a kickin'--
By me!! Mercury, Star, Power!!
I must say, this Amy is a lot more violent than the one on the actual show!
Yes, it's one of the many liberties Gemini6Ice has taken. Such as changing Alan's name from Alan to Hal, then, finally, to Halan. Or even turning me into--
Don't say it!
I wasn't going to, Melvin.
Good.
So... what's going on?
Don't kill him! Then I have to be the best man and the groomsman!
I don't care! Look what he did to my face! My precious face!
Since when were you so vain?
Hide me!!
Not behind me, buster! You got yourself into this mess!
I was trying to scald Darien!
Why would you want to scald me?!?
There he is!!
Um...
What did you do, Melvin?
I just wanted a best man for my wedding!
You could have asked me!
But you're female...
Has the fact that I'm a magical elephant completely missed staying in your head, little man?
Hey! I'm not that little!
I also have telepathic powers: yes, you are.
Yeah, you're right. But how can you be my best man?
By becoming male! Of course, for you to differentiate between the two of me, I'll need to change my color to a stereotypically matching one... such as blue, perhaps? And you'll have to call me Edison.
That'd be so great! You'd be the best best man, er, elephant ever!
Of course I will. I should go ahead and change so I'll be used to the different anatomy (not any that you'll be seeing, of course) by then. Lightbulb!
Is that her transformation command?
I suppose so. It makes sense to me. But that may just be because I'm blonde. Get off the table, Halan!
But-but--
You should be thankful that I'm not kicking you out for all this violence! I'm just more interested in the sex-change going on over here...
What?
What was that?
Did you say "sex"?
This is what happens when we leave the show for a few weeks...
But it was worth it, right?
Of course. But there's something I should tell you--
Whoa.
I have a headache now. Edison the magical--
Blue!
Ahem! Edison the magical elephant says: Never get your friends to fight over something silly when you can just ask a magical elephant to change her gender! Magically!
Now we just need to find a tux to fit you.
I'm pregnant.
What?!? How did that happen?
Oh. Wow.
Artemis just passed out.
I can see that, Darien!
Halan's getting away. But I don't care. Edison's the best man, now!
Hey! Get back here, you jerk!
Somebody help me!
I ended the episode! Stop talking!
Well. Finally, all of my finals are done. I got an A in every class, just as I expected.
This our first episode in about five months! I've been so bored!
And this, dear readers, is where Gemini6Ice stopped writing this episode for a day or two. You see, he got bored. And I know what you're thinking. If Gemini6Ice gets bored writing these episodes, how does he expect you, the readers, not to get bored reading the episodes?
Luna?
Hey there, tomcat.
Shut up before Gemini6Ice turns you into a Teletubby or something.
Good point. But, still, we need something for this episode.
I don't have any ideas.
You never have any ideas.
I think I'll put my grades on the refrigerator.
Maybe we should start by taking a tally?
A tally?
Yeah. I mean, it's been several months since the last episode. Maybe we should have a quick re-cap of what all the characters are up to. I'll start. I'm still at NYU, but ever since Ellie became Edison, I've been working there alone. I also combined with Ellie for a short time.
Now that I'm male and blue, although I'm still a magical elephant, I've had to find a new job for my alter-ego. I mean, Ellie works at NYU, not Edison. I'm still looking.
Why don't you just change back into Ellie until the wedding?
It's my prerogative as a magical elephant not to. I wouldn't expect you to understand. And wait your turn! We're going through the tally right now!
After saving Darien, we've been going on dates together.
I've been continuing my college education at NYU. I just finished my junior year.
This tally really seems like something we'd see in a season premiere! Maybe this should be the start of the fourth season! I mean, the third season has been going on for several years now.
Shut up and wait your turn. *Stamp*
Ow...
Besides, Melvin, I suspect that our wedding may be the season finale.
Okay. Just please don't hurt me!
Gr.
Eep!
After I accidentally scalded Amy--
I forgot about that! I'll get you!
Honey, calm down.
Don't tell me to calm down!
*Stamp*
--I've been going out with Lita. I'll also be a groomsman at Melvin and Amy's wedding.
I still work at Chez La Stupidname.
I was turned into Dar, the Beastmaster, by Raye. If hadn't have been saved by the sixth anniversary of the Sailor Sun Fan Fiction Web Site, I would have remained Dar forever. Luckily, Serena and her crew were able to save me. Oh, I'll also be a groomsman. Lucky for all of us, Edison volunteered to be the best man, er, elephant. Whatever. Yay Edison.
I'm still pregnant.
How long do cats stay pregnant?
Apparently as long as Gemini6Ice wants me to.
Yeah, this was after a long disappearing act by the two of us, during which, um, the pregnancy, um, began. But we're back now.
Um, Raye? it's your turn.
I don't think she's back yet.
Right. Well, she's apparently still trapped in the catacombs under New York City with the mole people. You think we should take her out of the opening credits?
Well, we're not going to rescue her, are we?
You're the leader. I think.
We'll remove her next week.
Well, during our trip to France, Raye gave the keys to the coffeeshop to some random woman who wound up stealing the entire place. Then the vacancy was taken up by Pikachus--
Pika-CHU!
--which I got rid of with a steamroller, which also turned the entire apartment building upside down. But then I opened an outdoor cafe, which is still open for business and owned by me. Yay!
Is that everyone?
No! Me! See, this stalagmite fell into our penthouse! And Molly and I used CLR on it, and--
We don't have a plot yet, do we?
Doesn't look like it. Is everyone really just standing around the penthouse doing nothing?
Yeah.
Pretty much.
Looks like it.
Sure.
I'm a magical elephant. I'm not required to come up with some creative way to say "yes."
This male Ellie is a lot meaner.
I can turn back into Ellie at any time and force you to be the best man again, little boy!
I have a plot idea! New York City was built on artifical land--
No, that's boring, Melvin.
What's this? Guys, check it out!
What is it, Amy?
The magnet I used to stick my grades to the fridge! It has a hotline number on it!
So?
Not just any hotline! the plotline hotline! And it's toll-free! We can call and get a plot!
Ooh! Let's do it!
Okay, I'm calling! Be quiet, guys!
What did they say?
Ssh!! Okay, 1 for comedy. Okay, here we go! "Over the hills and through the woods, to grandmother's house we go!"
This car's pretty small.
Someone's stepping on my head.
Shut up, Melvin.
Who's driving?
I've got the wheel! But my feet are stuck in the backseat!
I'm not liking this plotline too much, Amy.
Calm down! We'll be to grandmother's house soon!
Who's grandmother's house are we actually going to?
...
I can reach the pedals with my tongue! Nyahhhhhhh
Stop hitting the brake down there!
Does anyone here even have a grandmother?
A magical elephant stuffed in the trunk is not a good idea! I'm only thinking of your welfare when I get out of here, humans!
And cats!
Cats are easier to step on!
Hey! that's not fair!
Yeah! We're in the glove compartment! Hey! I can feel our babies kicking!
Sorry! That's just my knee! Let me move it!
Ow! My crotch! Lita!
Whaaaaaaa
Are you crying?
No, I was saying, "What?"! My tongue was stuck to the brake!
Get your tongue back on it! We're speeding up! And we're coming to a cliff!
If we end the episode here, it'll be a real cliffhanger! Ow!
More bad puns will result in more kicking!
I'm not even sure how the phone got us all into the car, anyway...
Well, we're about to go over a cliff! Do something!
If someone can hand me a cell phone, I can call again!
Wait! There's a button on the dashboard! Somebody press it!
I can get it with my toe...
Get your tongue back on the brake, missy!
One! Comedy! Quick!
Well, we're back in the penthouse.
Wait, why did the woman replace her clothes with post-it notes?
I think it has something to do with stealing the magical psychic powers of the man who only speaks Portuguese.
The one who wears the chicken suit?
No, the guy in the chicken suit speaks Spanish.
Somebody explain to me why the subtitles are in Pig-Latin?
They're easier to read than English subtitles.
Aren't we supposed to be bored? We seem more confused than bored.
My head hurts now. I'm going to sleep.
Anyone else for peanut-butter sandwiches?
Yeah!
Yes!
Yeah!
This movie doesn't even make any sense. I'm a genius, and I can't figure it out.
Why am I the only one here that understands it here?
Sweetheart, I love you, but, remember, you have the least intelligence out of all of us.
Normally, I'd cry, but--oh no! Madame Zwell's stuffed chipmunk just got hit by a car and died! It's so... sad!
And now she's crying.
Wait, what happened to the squirrel's bike?
I don't understand why the Portuguese guy didn't just walk through the front door to get the lemon meringue pie. Why did he have to sneak in through the ladies' bathroom? He's an idiot.
Maybe meringue means something else in Portuguese?
No, but the subtitle said, "eringue-may"!
I have peanut-butter stuck on my tail.
We can get--
Shh! She's about to destroy the shopping mall with her mailbox!
--it out with chewing gum. Right?
No, I think it's the other way around.
Serena's totally ignoring me.
Oh, it's starting to make sense!
You're not as stupid as me! Teehee! It took you a while!
Sailor Mercury Says: I think the trip to grandmother's house with eleven characters crammed in a compact sedan was actually better.
This... is the best movie ever!
I know, right!?!
Okay. I'm annoyed now.
Why is that, my sweet?
Watch out for those two-piece bathing suits, Gidget!
Oh no! Gidget's car is out of control!
Zzzz... Zzzz...
Mina! Stop snoring!
Mina, wake up! You're missing the third chase scene!
Huh? What? I fell asleep!
Yeah, now be quiet.
What happened to the Portuguese guy?
I'm really not sure. Serena? (She understands this the best.)
He accidentally ate the spindly mushrooms that Madame Zwell kept in a secret safe. Well, not accidentally, but he didn't realize they were hallucagenes.
Hallucinogenic, honey.
So he curled up in the trunk of Gidget's car, and he's unconscience.
Unconscious, not unconscience.
Shh! I'm watching the movie!
They won't leave! The stupid B-movie is still on!
Wow! I hadn't even noticed! I was taking notes on our big metal spike!
Don't worry about the big metal spike! Worry about this movie! Will it ever end? It's been on for two weeks now! Darien and Halan are the only two to have even gone to the bathroom!
Yeah, Serena's gall bladder area is looking a little distended.
You've been looking at Serena's gall bladder area?!?
Honey, put down that knife! No! Please! Amy!
I'm falling! The cats are in the kitchen!
*Munch, munch* What? We're hungry!
Don't forget the elephant!
Oh! My quiche is ready! Yes, I cook!
I think you cut off part of my tail, Amy.
Then shouldn't you be in more pain?
Oh. Then maybe you didn't.
I can't take this! Animals are eating in our kitchen again!
Again? *Munch, munch*
Yeah, this our first time eating in your kitchen, Amy.
Then... you've been here for two weeks?!?
That sounds *Munch, munch* about right, doesn't it?
Hey, it takes time to get quiche just right!
I'm pretty certain quiche doesn't require two weeks to prepare.
I spent a while deciding what I wanted to make.
Anyway... Melvin, we have to figure out how to get everyone out of here! I want our private little penthouse back!
A gorgeous view...
Yeah! I miss that too! All because of Mina, all our windows overlook... dirt!
Kinda big...
No, it seems the same size to me.
Commercials! Stretch time, everyone!
Commercials! Finally! Something intelligent to watch!
Ew! Melvin's looking at my gall bladder area!
Well, it is a little distended, Serena!
Stop looking! I'm going to the bathroom!
You were looking at her gall bladder area again, Melvin! Why can't you be monogamous?!? I want a divorce.
We're not married yet.
Then... Why aren't we married yet? We've been arranging the wedding for a few years now!
We're patient?
I won't be much longer! You hear me, Gemini6Ice?!? I won't be patient much longer!
I want chicken! I want liver! Meow Mix, Meow Mix, please deliver!
No Meow Mix for us, thanks! This quiche is delicious, Edison!
Why, thank you! I made it myself!
Stop the madness!
What are you, Amy, Pat Sajak?
Oh, wow. Pat Sajak's "Stop the Madness" commercial is actually on right now!
I'm sure most of the readers have no idea what we're talking about.
I'd tell them to Google-search for "Pat Sajak" and "Stop the Madness," but right now my primary concern is evicting you from my penthouse!
it's back on! Hurry, Serena!
Unnngh! I'm trying! It won't come out!
Are you doing number one or number two?
We're eating here!
Number--ungh--one!
And it won't come out? But your gall bladder area is distended!
We know.
Too bad we can't see it out here...
Ew!
Melvin! *Whap*
Ow!
Hey! That's my girlfriend's distended gall bladder are ayou're talking about there! I'd get up and fight you, but my brain is numb from this movie.
No! That's not really your landlord, Gidget!
We're not leaving until either Luna has our kittens or that stupid movie ends!
Okay, that's it! I'm getting the tank!
No! Amy! Come back!
No wonder it was distended! I had a can of soda in there!
You peed a soda?
Yep. A Jolt Cola.
Ew. Just ew.
I haven't said anything in a while.
Neither have I.
Oh no! Serena, don't!
Ew!
That's disgusting!
What? I've eaten too mcuh quiche to get up!
Yeah! We wanna know too!
She's drinking the soda! Ew!
I'm gonna be sick...
All this lovely quiche won't get to stay down! oh no!
You've ruined the pleasure of my quiche, you evil blonde!
Does nobody else care that Amy just left to go get a tank?!?
Ah! That was a refrehsing Jolt Cola!
You sicken me!
What?
That came out of your gall bladder!
This? No, it didn't! I threw away the one I peed out!
My girlfriend just said "peed out."
Dude, you need to get yourself a high-class girl, like Lita here.
Aww, isn't he sweet?
Then where did you get the Jolt Cola you just drank?
We'd better get a big endorsement check from Jolt after this episode airs.
Not that many people come to Gemini6Ice's website anymore. The most we could hope to get from Jolt is a free can of soda.
Hmm... When will it get here?
There's somebody at the door! I'll get it!
No! Amy has a tank!
A package? For whom? All of us? Okay, I'll sign.
How does an elephant sign for a package?
You blondes are always forgetting the "magical" elephant part.
Oh. Right.
We have a package from Jolt!
Ooh! Yay!
There's a letter enclosed: "Dear disembodied characters, thank you for taking the time to endorse Jolt and its caffeinated beverages. Enclosed is your payment, a can of Jolt Cola!"
You were right, Lita!
Aren't I always? *Giggle*
I love it when you giggle!
I love it when I giggle too! *Giggle*
Hurry up and open the package, Edison!
Don't tell me what to do! I can stomp on you, you know!
Right. Sorry, sorry.
It's empty! There's no can of soda!
They cheated us?!? Those caffeinated jerks!
No, I can see the can's indentation! It was just recently taken from the package!
Who took our Jolt Cola?!?
I'm sorry. I was thirsty.
Wait... How did you get the Jolt Cola out of its package before the package even arrived?
i'm not really sure.
(Lita, don't point out the plotholes.)
We only have a few minutes! Amy will be back soon!
If you guys want one so badly, there's one in the bathroom trash can.
Ew.
I'm going to be sick!
Join the party, blondie!
Is it just me, or has Luna gotten a lot less British ever since she got pregnant?
I'm sorry, everyone! I have to do this for your own good! Tuxedo Melvin Says: Duck! The tank will be here soon!
That's a sucky moral!
Yeah, we could do better than that!
Fine! Then do better! We have to end the episode and get out of here before Amy comes back with the tank!
Maybe I can't... I can't think of anything.
Oh! I've got one! Sailor V says: If you have a distended gall bladder area--stop drooling, Melvin--you may actually have a can of soda lodged in your gall bladder! Go to the bathroom and number one really hard! Right now!
(Yes, she said Sailor V. Go back and read the older episodes if you're confused.)
It's over!
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